A letter came today. It was sealed with a pretty blue wax seal, a rose crest seen only in my own imaginings. I've imagined myself many times receiving a summons of this caliber to some far away town or kingdom and the results were none too desirable. Either I play the role of the Royal Fool or be a debtor for the king. Both ways I am hated and mocked. Both ways I wear some ridiculous humiliating garb that secures my role. There are no gray areas, no wayward paths or holes I can hide. Only, I fulfill the duty set out for me day in and day out.

And I watch myself live out a miserable existence, fantasy world or not. I've seen myself do so many times, thus, making me even more unhappy with my present situation - which can only be described as a blur, a gap in time, my time.

But it arrived so abruptly, this letter, disturbing the bland daily life I live. Monochrome and silent. Mouths move but no words are heard, for everyone has deaf ears. Save me, who sees nothing but this grayness, blandness, and I feel... I feel... Well, I feel absolutely nothing. What I touch, what I see, everything that should have some sensory-related response does not perform as it should.

I can walk on solid ground because I think of solid ground. And everything I 'touch' is like touching air because I thought of touching 'air'. The grayness around me is possible because I've eliminated - repressed - all the drops and bits and splashes of color I thought I didn't want.

But now I want it back.

And I got this letter in return.

The blue rose letter I've seen so often in my dreaming.

The blue rose letter that has so often led me onto the path of a capricious, authority abiding, submissive fool.

Yet it guarantees my salvation.

I've stared long enough at what I held in my hands. I bit my lip, breaking the seal as I lift the flap of the envelope. It suddenly felt heavy.

But first, what happened around me, the monochrome began to blur. The house I crafted from my thoughts slowly disintegrated, like a wisp of smoke. And though the 'solid ground' had disappeared, I had yet to fall into this devastating blackness - the result of repressing the colors I once held dear.

I proceed to remove the item in the envelope. It was an ancient key, designed after the windows in the cathedrals I liked so much, the ones in the pictures of the place in Europe I've always wanted to go to. In other words, an antique.

The envelope disappeared, burst into blue flames right before my eyes as I fell upon the ground clutching my suddenly pounding chest.

Burning, no, agonizing pain - I felt - was pushing against the bones under the skin. Breathing is hard. Seeing is hard. tears were spilling out like raindrops. And the thunder - my voice - echoed loud around me.

I closed my eyes to this pain, this noise, found that it simmered to a low thrumming - similar to a hummingbird beating it's wings until... There was peace.