First things first...

I put the word verification on...again after receiving spam comments that linked to porn sites. That is not okay with me at all. :| So, word verification for now (I don't like it myself) but it's working. I haven't been having spam as of late so I'm content. Someday, the WV will go away. Hell, I might take it off after this post to see if they post spam again -- shall report on that later.

Second...

It's really really cold in California and I could never be more happier about it, if only it wasn't a nuisance to bundle up in two sweaters and gloves -- it's even more annoying when you're walking and your ear phones fall off every so and so number of steps (because I walk home everyday and I walk very fast). My fingers feel like they're going to fall off every time I take off the gloves...and that the wind is mad at me since it's practically lashing out at my face :| Haha, what a bad joke. ^^

Thirdly...

I'm feeling somewhat better about the whole split persona thing. Turns out, I'm just delusional :D no, no, it's just me being confused and anxious. I'm not sure what about but it is confusion that's for sure. No point in me whining about it, but there are times where I can't help but do something because it bugs me.

For example today, in Art class, two people had to clean up after the whole table. We were working with water-based clay so there was residue that dried onto the table top. This was to be cleaned with sponges. Basically the girl who cleaned my side of the table did not do such a good job as the sponge was barely even wet so the residue was spread around in circles pretty much. And this was a black table so it was bad...like snail trails.

I litereally felt my eye twitching as it dried and, not wanting to lash out at the girl since she didn't want to do it in the first place, I got up and attempted to clean it. I cleaned it enough to make it less of an eyesore but it was not enough. My fingers were twitching then. Nervous habit. >> I couldn't even look at the other people at the table.

I guess I'm one of those people that have to have things in a certain way or else they won't function "right." It doesn't happen a lot though, only because there haven't been instances on this particular scale that happened before so I can't  know for sure. (Or maybe I'll never know).

Fourth...

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories for the Wii is...a MASTERPIECE (for a game). :)

My god, I finished it last night and I cried (I got the good ending, I believe). The Silent Hill franchise rocks dammit. It just does. Sucks though that the main and most awesome composer ever resigned from the company, Konami, so there probably won't be any more SH games (just maybe). Whatever he goes out to do, the best of luck to him.

IMO, this is pretty biased since I'm a fan but, oh well. This is the interwebs after all. :)



download link

^ Just one of my favorite songs to listen to at the moment (I'm going to find a way to rip the soundtrack instead since I have it and all so I can share it with you blogging people).

Fifth...

I'm working on reviving Little Miss Murder. As well as something totally unrelated (but as more of a stress reliever).

I had some plans for that story, even though it is experimental in regards to story telling and something I did in my spare time. Mmm... I'm not too confident about the next chapter because of me being too technical with my writing lately so it reads out to be a bit cluttered (darn essays :) ) rather than smoothly as one would read a narrative. (Honestly now, since when did my narratives "flow?" I'm really not sure what expect from my writing. So far, I'm assuming that to be my style -- unorthodox -- since I can't plant my butt on a chair long enough focussing on one sing;e thing.) Blog posts are different since my mind is able to wander...like now.

I'll be looking over it some more before I make it official.

Sixth...

Winter break is coming up and it's going to be...cool (another pun?) My brothers will be coming over to visit and it'll be a videogame filled two weeks. That's going to be fun. :)

Also, I'm making a cookie pizza to bring for a potluck in Anatomy next Friday. Half chocolate chip and half sugar cookie. I'm not sure how that's going to taste/turn out but if it does, I'll make some mention of it...with pictures.

(I'm most likely going to write a one-shot about this later)

It's disturbing actually. In it, I was running away from the dark but I couldn't since it was everywhere and everything. Even if it was light out, there was always a way for the darkness to follow and scare me.

Put's a whole new context to someone afraid of their shadow...I guess.

Anyway, this is absolute nonsense. I can't stop thinking about it though. Everytime I have to go outside either it be the hallway or the restroom...anywhere! It..just creeps me out (creeps us all out) since whatever the hell is scaring me all the time is me (or another me, the me I don't want to remember because almost everyone I knew when I was that old me associated me with a certain scary movie that I absolutely can't stand).

It's ironic that I like scaring people (or surprising them in a way).

Haha, so I'm scaring myself. Karma, much? (Man, I'm screwed :p )

Argh, I'm so stupid sometimes. Who knows, my personas may stem from my immaturity and aren't really "real" and is my excuse to "relive my childhood." There's a lot of possibilities. Me being a delusional SoB is one of them.

Today, it isn't better but having a somewhat negative post just doesn't give me that "resolved" feeling. I mean, you think that making a problem open for others to see would make someone feel better but I guess it's a matter of vocalizing them instead.

Then again, I'm not very good at that either so I'm turning to the written word and focusing on the dialogue the characters are saying. :)

I'm a person who doesn't really have a vile bone in their body and may not even react when it's a really negative situation...though I do tend to overreact at times (and i happen to be comical when that happens). However, that doesn't mean that I don't take negative things to heart. I consider the situation, I mope and be emo about it, maybe assess it or, all in all, ignore it until it blows way out of proportion. Hmm...as long as you know that I hate keeping pessimistic thoughts in my head (not that I'm optimistic all the time). I think I meant pessimistic thoughts about others but...yeah.

As the title says:

Back to the Word Processor!

I don't have the slightest idea on what to say right now since a whole hurricane (if not a freakin' super-mega ginormous mental storm) made these three days seem like an ETERNITY (and the capital letters aren't just for show). I might sound a bit rant-y...

Frankly I also don't have the slightest idea where to start so I'll go ahead and say what's been bothering my mind as of late.

My father's auto shop got robbed AGAIN. Good God. I swear any mention of the economy just tenses up the atmosphere, especially since the shop is located in...how do you say...not a very financially well-off place but the place has car/truck related merits that I can't wrap my head around at the moment due to the fact that the business in a whole is something he doesn't openly talk about at home, where I am. So that's two issues right there.

Another issue regards finances, there and here and other places where he invested money into. Yes. It bothers me that the house is barely being paid for. And I just learned today that he can barely pay the minimum but some people are taking care of it and negotiating the price that's supposed to be paid every month or so. Also, there's the issue with my step-brothers that lodge here who don't assist paying off the bills...then there's me, the worthless sixteen year-old who reads and types and can't even get her head straight due to, what can be called, menial problems. Who's possibly setting herself up for many bad days to come because there's so many things wrong in life that makes everything appear unfair and cries and screams about it into a towel while huddled up in the apparent "safety" that is the bathroom.

I feel as if everything is my fault because I can't bear to live in the present. Is that bad? Yes times a million. I'm young and I can't enjoy it, sadly.

However, I know these things come to pass (ah, the terribleness that is to be a teenager) and it'll probably be YEARS till I can feel better about myself and everything. I also know that I can't do a lot, like, get a job and help pay stuff off (which I can't due to my circumstances--yes, I can't go out by myself because that's who's with me when I'm at "home"). So I'll continue doing small things around the house, especially here in my little room.

I was so horribly traumatized by a movie and by my own nightmares that I can't sleep without the television on. I found out that candles are a better substitute and it smells nice when I sleep. I also unplug things before I leave and make sure any lights are turned off. Strangely enough, when my step-brother leaves right after he picks me up from school, he leaves the lights on apparently because there are "crazies" in the neighborhood (not really... I blame the news media). So, when I first went downstairs and saw all the lights on, I couldn't help but feel like that one lonesome household pet... Kind of makes you want to raise an eyebrow doesn't it? I did, and I am at this moment asking myself that I'm really going to publish this... Of course that is a yes.

As for the shop problem, giving it up (because with all the expenses with repairing and securing it and stuff like that) sounds like the best way out of bankruptcy but he isn't going to give it up. I think it's because owning such an establishment is his dream. Hopefully, he can distinguish the fine line between dreams and their relevance to real life. I'm not sure if I typed that out right... But yes, there's always that one line that you can't cross because you can't afford to cross it. But he has faith so those who support his decision will have faith too I guess. *shrugs*

Sure, it doesn't sound like that apocalyptic storm I mentioned but it's a storm nevertheless that I have to stick through...not to mention keep hold of my wits before it gets blown away like in that one movie/story with the tornado and a dog with a four letter first name.

Putting aside everything, it was sunny and windy. I also saw foggy forest mountainscapes (even though it was on the side of the freeway and I don't think that that's a real word) that reminded me so much of the setting of LH. I ended up taking pictures and happened to come across a flock of sheep. Once I get the camera software onto this computer I'll probably end up posting it (I'm lazy so I don't know when that's going to happen). I have been reading lately and drawing here and there, as well as, typing and planning scenes on [omitted for the sake of cutting myself short for no reason].

And there's my weekend. It's like that itch you know you have but you have no idea where it's coming from so you have to deal with the tingly awkward feeling (and I know how awfully strange that sounds *smacks forehead*). But, I am in better spirits...which probably won't last because I don't feel rested at all.

*shakes fist at non-existant Monday entity immortalized by Garfield*