9 years ago
Just awesome :D
I got back from school just a few hours ago. Surprisingly enough, I didn't fall asleep in class given that I only slept for an hour or so (I really detest screwy biological clocks). Anyway, all throughout (while I did do my work), I was thinking of a concept for another short story/or long one depending on how much content I want to add as they are somewhat personal - but with a twist so it's more tragic than it seems. But, as it has appeared to me in my present shortcomings, it really is much easier to think about an idea rather than execute and finish it.
But this year, I wanted to make it a priority, now that I have a small idea on what to do after graduation. No, I will not be going straight to a university but take classes on Art and work on building up a portfolio. Then I can go to an Art school.
My hopes for last year (since I got Art class) was that I'd learn the fundamentals. But, that isn't what we got. My school is an underrated school. It's fairly old too as it's currently getting a much needed face lift that shall be ready by next year. So Art class has cut down, especially on what is 'supposed' to be learned. I was hoping to cover shading, figures, observation techniques etc. etc. but what was I to gain from expecting so much? Not a whole lot, but a little something here or there.
Ah well.
So, I wrote this poem on the concept I mentioned before I went into Rant mode - which I do when I get a fresh thought and I follow it. I wanted to personify wishing stars. Here I question the idea while giving a base intro and all but I wanted to give them the traits of a fast-living human, like the reckless types who 'live in the moment.' In a way - as I've written dabbles here and there - these stars are beings of desire as they have short lives. 'Beings of desire...?' It's tricky as most of the wishes people wish for aren't greedy or anything like that. People actually wish for good, don't they?
Okay, so these stars are bipolar (in a way). :) But that's me poking fun at the subject because I'm wondering which approach I want to take when writing because there are three scenarios that I can take, maybe even more than that.
And, I should mention, that this concept is something I overuse, ever since 'fate' and 'destiny' always seemed to mingle with the word 'star' or 'stars.' Angels is something I've long overused since people with wings fascinate me.
Etoile
Stars, the light of our wishes
Good and bad, drift in unlimited space;
Our imaginings, the sky a reflection of our collective minds.
Whether angel or devil
Of ghost or of soul,
Do your beliefs lie
Among the millions of colored lights?
Whisper along a wish,
To pass the time, bored;
For stale life loops as if in lazy slumber
For the lives that pass through it have their own missions.
So the changing atmosphere
Affects us all. Mercurial in temper
Or cool and calm in a fervent summer
A tempest rages war within us -
A mess of emotions - parleying stress
Mentally and physically
To the struggling host body.
To the struggling host body.
And thus these lights
Become the carrier - the symbol - of our escape,
Our safe place; our dreams.
And our hopes.
Is it childish?
As they distract from earthly things
And lift the burdens we can only carry
With our less than capable shoulders
During the times when we are not at our best.
Then, is there not another possible world
Among these lights?
In the blackness do they dwell
Lighting whatever they can
Within the malign conjurings of the human mind -
The human will.
Are not the stars capable of feeling too?
As they are beings fashioned of our thoughts and devices
Their lives are reckless and brief.
Their cross, glued to their backs, tied down by linings of gold;
Tiny persons ask for freedom
From the suffocating dark.
But of angel or demon
Of good or evil intent, if freed
Is unknown, as their development lies
Within the wishes we wished.
What creature does that supplement make them?
I'm not sure whether to continue this or if the cut-off point is there... But there's more to come.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. :3
And our hopes.
Is it childish?
As they distract from earthly things
And lift the burdens we can only carry
With our less than capable shoulders
During the times when we are not at our best.
Then, is there not another possible world
Among these lights?
In the blackness do they dwell
Lighting whatever they can
Within the malign conjurings of the human mind -
The human will.
Are not the stars capable of feeling too?
As they are beings fashioned of our thoughts and devices
Their lives are reckless and brief.
Their cross, glued to their backs, tied down by linings of gold;
Tiny persons ask for freedom
From the suffocating dark.
But of angel or demon
Of good or evil intent, if freed
Is unknown, as their development lies
Within the wishes we wished.
What creature does that supplement make them?
I'm not sure whether to continue this or if the cut-off point is there... But there's more to come.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. :3
My Memorial Day Weekend
I don't have the slightest idea on what to say right now since a whole hurricane (if not a freakin' super-mega ginormous mental storm) made these three days seem like an ETERNITY (and the capital letters aren't just for show). I might sound a bit rant-y...
Frankly I also don't have the slightest idea where to start so I'll go ahead and say what's been bothering my mind as of late.
My father's auto shop got robbed AGAIN. Good God. I swear any mention of the economy just tenses up the atmosphere, especially since the shop is located in...how do you say...not a very financially well-off place but the place has car/truck related merits that I can't wrap my head around at the moment due to the fact that the business in a whole is something he doesn't openly talk about at home, where I am. So that's two issues right there.
Another issue regards finances, there and here and other places where he invested money into. Yes. It bothers me that the house is barely being paid for. And I just learned today that he can barely pay the minimum but some people are taking care of it and negotiating the price that's supposed to be paid every month or so. Also, there's the issue with my step-brothers that lodge here who don't assist paying off the bills...then there's me, the worthless sixteen year-old who reads and types and can't even get her head straight due to, what can be called, menial problems. Who's possibly setting herself up for many bad days to come because there's so many things wrong in life that makes everything appear unfair and cries and screams about it into a towel while huddled up in the apparent "safety" that is the bathroom.
I feel as if everything is my fault because I can't bear to live in the present. Is that bad? Yes times a million. I'm young and I can't enjoy it, sadly.
However, I know these things come to pass (ah, the terribleness that is to be a teenager) and it'll probably be YEARS till I can feel better about myself and everything. I also know that I can't do a lot, like, get a job and help pay stuff off (which I can't due to my circumstances--yes, I can't go out by myself because that's who's with me when I'm at "home"). So I'll continue doing small things around the house, especially here in my little room.
I was so horribly traumatized by a movie and by my own nightmares that I can't sleep without the television on. I found out that candles are a better substitute and it smells nice when I sleep. I also unplug things before I leave and make sure any lights are turned off. Strangely enough, when my step-brother leaves right after he picks me up from school, he leaves the lights on apparently because there are "crazies" in the neighborhood (not really... I blame the news media). So, when I first went downstairs and saw all the lights on, I couldn't help but feel like that one lonesome household pet... Kind of makes you want to raise an eyebrow doesn't it? I did, and I am at this moment asking myself that I'm really going to publish this... Of course that is a yes.
As for the shop problem, giving it up (because with all the expenses with repairing and securing it and stuff like that) sounds like the best way out of bankruptcy but he isn't going to give it up. I think it's because owning such an establishment is his dream. Hopefully, he can distinguish the fine line between dreams and their relevance to real life. I'm not sure if I typed that out right... But yes, there's always that one line that you can't cross because you can't afford to cross it. But he has faith so those who support his decision will have faith too I guess. *shrugs*
Sure, it doesn't sound like that apocalyptic storm I mentioned but it's a storm nevertheless that I have to stick through...not to mention keep hold of my wits before it gets blown away like in that one movie/story with the tornado and a dog with a four letter first name.
Putting aside everything, it was sunny and windy. I also saw foggy forest mountainscapes (even though it was on the side of the freeway and I don't think that that's a real word) that reminded me so much of the setting of LH. I ended up taking pictures and happened to come across a flock of sheep. Once I get the camera software onto this computer I'll probably end up posting it (I'm lazy so I don't know when that's going to happen). I have been reading lately and drawing here and there, as well as, typing and planning scenes on [omitted for the sake of cutting myself short for no reason].
And there's my weekend. It's like that itch you know you have but you have no idea where it's coming from so you have to deal with the tingly awkward feeling (and I know how awfully strange that sounds *smacks forehead*). But, I am in better spirits...which probably won't last because I don't feel rested at all.
*shakes fist at non-existant Monday entity immortalized by Garfield*
Frankly I also don't have the slightest idea where to start so I'll go ahead and say what's been bothering my mind as of late.
My father's auto shop got robbed AGAIN. Good God. I swear any mention of the economy just tenses up the atmosphere, especially since the shop is located in...how do you say...not a very financially well-off place but the place has car/truck related merits that I can't wrap my head around at the moment due to the fact that the business in a whole is something he doesn't openly talk about at home, where I am. So that's two issues right there.
Another issue regards finances, there and here and other places where he invested money into. Yes. It bothers me that the house is barely being paid for. And I just learned today that he can barely pay the minimum but some people are taking care of it and negotiating the price that's supposed to be paid every month or so. Also, there's the issue with my step-brothers that lodge here who don't assist paying off the bills...then there's me, the worthless sixteen year-old who reads and types and can't even get her head straight due to, what can be called, menial problems. Who's possibly setting herself up for many bad days to come because there's so many things wrong in life that makes everything appear unfair and cries and screams about it into a towel while huddled up in the apparent "safety" that is the bathroom.
I feel as if everything is my fault because I can't bear to live in the present. Is that bad? Yes times a million. I'm young and I can't enjoy it, sadly.
However, I know these things come to pass (ah, the terribleness that is to be a teenager) and it'll probably be YEARS till I can feel better about myself and everything. I also know that I can't do a lot, like, get a job and help pay stuff off (which I can't due to my circumstances--yes, I can't go out by myself because that's who's with me when I'm at "home"). So I'll continue doing small things around the house, especially here in my little room.
I was so horribly traumatized by a movie and by my own nightmares that I can't sleep without the television on. I found out that candles are a better substitute and it smells nice when I sleep. I also unplug things before I leave and make sure any lights are turned off. Strangely enough, when my step-brother leaves right after he picks me up from school, he leaves the lights on apparently because there are "crazies" in the neighborhood (not really... I blame the news media). So, when I first went downstairs and saw all the lights on, I couldn't help but feel like that one lonesome household pet... Kind of makes you want to raise an eyebrow doesn't it? I did, and I am at this moment asking myself that I'm really going to publish this... Of course that is a yes.
As for the shop problem, giving it up (because with all the expenses with repairing and securing it and stuff like that) sounds like the best way out of bankruptcy but he isn't going to give it up. I think it's because owning such an establishment is his dream. Hopefully, he can distinguish the fine line between dreams and their relevance to real life. I'm not sure if I typed that out right... But yes, there's always that one line that you can't cross because you can't afford to cross it. But he has faith so those who support his decision will have faith too I guess. *shrugs*
Sure, it doesn't sound like that apocalyptic storm I mentioned but it's a storm nevertheless that I have to stick through...not to mention keep hold of my wits before it gets blown away like in that one movie/story with the tornado and a dog with a four letter first name.
Putting aside everything, it was sunny and windy. I also saw foggy forest mountainscapes (even though it was on the side of the freeway and I don't think that that's a real word) that reminded me so much of the setting of LH. I ended up taking pictures and happened to come across a flock of sheep. Once I get the camera software onto this computer I'll probably end up posting it (I'm lazy so I don't know when that's going to happen). I have been reading lately and drawing here and there, as well as, typing and planning scenes on [omitted for the sake of cutting myself short for no reason].
And there's my weekend. It's like that itch you know you have but you have no idea where it's coming from so you have to deal with the tingly awkward feeling (and I know how awfully strange that sounds *smacks forehead*). But, I am in better spirits...which probably won't last because I don't feel rested at all.
*shakes fist at non-existant Monday entity immortalized by Garfield*
But I only have a penny...and it isn't even lucky. D:
Novels and rants with cats
So here it is,
my feeble attempt at light-hearted poetry--
a mess of incoherent words and ramblings
of a tired girl held in contempt
for the night hours go by oh so fast
that one cannot lie without a passing glance
at a welcome distraction
Sleep welcomes a much needed rest
for these bones ache as if I was seventy years old
but I refuse to sleep
--and this is my excuse--
that rambling for forever in poetic format
makes the imagination spark and die
--like a match in a wet cave--
but hey, at least I'm alive
a mess of incoherent words and ramblings
of a tired girl held in contempt
for the night hours go by oh so fast
that one cannot lie without a passing glance
at a welcome distraction
Sleep welcomes a much needed rest
for these bones ache as if I was seventy years old
but I refuse to sleep
--and this is my excuse--
that rambling for forever in poetic format
makes the imagination spark and die
--like a match in a wet cave--
but hey, at least I'm alive
Hey all, a short random poem written a few nights ago when I refused to sleep unless I made a couple of decent rhymes. It didn't work but something humorous I thought worth sharing came up. :)
Oh. Here's something interesting (and something I want to try thanks to Luna and Wandering Child.)
I'll be reading Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. But, instead of just reading it, I'll read and summarize what's going on. I've read many books but never looked into them (as in analyzing and noting things down...for EVERYONE to see). Plus, I think it'll help me with my own writing, considering characterization, backgrounds...etc. plus, I want to know why the ending of the novel is the way it is.
Now, I originally wrote this post during school but Blogger was having "errors" so I couldn't post it. So now I have to think of some new things to say.
I fell asleep in the afternoon so I'm disappointed that I couldn't get a jump start on writing.
It's quite rainy over here and it's great (thus, why I fell asleep in the afternoon since rainy days make me sleepy).
I did however, start reading the book in several of my classes. But the 5th period sub decided for me to set my focuses on Math than on a great author such as Flaubert! (Can you tell I'm pissed?) I don't know about you guys but I doubt I'll be using high-level math in what I want to do (I just need to pass it to graduate). I somewhat regret taking Geometry freshman year because it was easy but Alg. II expects you to know Geometry and Algebra I. Sorry guys but I am not a mathematician, nor can I wave a wand that'll make me commit to memory various formulas and tiny rules concerning their use and how to execute them (but I am, in no way a bad student).
To tell you the truth, the reason I epically PHAIL at maThz is because I relate it to logically defining our world. Sure, numbers and graphs...polynomials and upside/sideways down U's doesn't seem like much on the surface...not to mention imaginary numbers (Oh Good Bob in heaven...) I'm a person who wants to see the extension of their efforts. Numbers on a piece of paper is hardly how I learn, or at least, how I want to learn. So I drift off.
It's totally my fault for being like this now because I loved doing math before we, as students, were pressured into really committing (*cough* cramming *cough*) this information in our brains. I have no excuse because, well, if I "paid attention" I wouldn't really be complaining. Many people will probably say that because...hey, it's just math. Do it.
A lot ask how Math is relative to the world. I did too and tried to get my own definition besides "you can use it to get this job...or do this if you know how to do this to figure out about that..." It sounded like a never-ending circle of going into a certain field or to calculate the tax you have to pay after a ginormously portioned meal (though they taste good). However I looked at the question, it would always be about the world that I, at the time, didn't want to live in (at the time this really bothered me)...[/endangryrant]
I'm going to end the post here, since I've dawdled too long on Blogger with deciding whether I should add what I wanted to say in the first place. :)
\:-|
Indeed.
EDIT: Is it just me or does anyone else think Blogger's format needs to be wider?
Oh. Here's something interesting (and something I want to try thanks to Luna and Wandering Child.)
I'll be reading Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. But, instead of just reading it, I'll read and summarize what's going on. I've read many books but never looked into them (as in analyzing and noting things down...for EVERYONE to see). Plus, I think it'll help me with my own writing, considering characterization, backgrounds...etc. plus, I want to know why the ending of the novel is the way it is.
Now, I originally wrote this post during school but Blogger was having "errors" so I couldn't post it. So now I have to think of some new things to say.
I fell asleep in the afternoon so I'm disappointed that I couldn't get a jump start on writing.
It's quite rainy over here and it's great (thus, why I fell asleep in the afternoon since rainy days make me sleepy).
I did however, start reading the book in several of my classes. But the 5th period sub decided for me to set my focuses on Math than on a great author such as Flaubert! (Can you tell I'm pissed?) I don't know about you guys but I doubt I'll be using high-level math in what I want to do (I just need to pass it to graduate). I somewhat regret taking Geometry freshman year because it was easy but Alg. II expects you to know Geometry and Algebra I. Sorry guys but I am not a mathematician, nor can I wave a wand that'll make me commit to memory various formulas and tiny rules concerning their use and how to execute them (but I am, in no way a bad student).
To tell you the truth, the reason I epically PHAIL at maThz is because I relate it to logically defining our world. Sure, numbers and graphs...polynomials and upside/sideways down U's doesn't seem like much on the surface...not to mention imaginary numbers (Oh Good Bob in heaven...) I'm a person who wants to see the extension of their efforts. Numbers on a piece of paper is hardly how I learn, or at least, how I want to learn. So I drift off.
It's totally my fault for being like this now because I loved doing math before we, as students, were pressured into really committing (*cough* cramming *cough*) this information in our brains. I have no excuse because, well, if I "paid attention" I wouldn't really be complaining. Many people will probably say that because...hey, it's just math. Do it.
A lot ask how Math is relative to the world. I did too and tried to get my own definition besides "you can use it to get this job...or do this if you know how to do this to figure out about that..." It sounded like a never-ending circle of going into a certain field or to calculate the tax you have to pay after a ginormously portioned meal (though they taste good). However I looked at the question, it would always be about the world that I, at the time, didn't want to live in (at the time this really bothered me)...[/endangryrant]
I'm going to end the post here, since I've dawdled too long on Blogger with deciding whether I should add what I wanted to say in the first place. :)
\:-|
Indeed.
EDIT: Is it just me or does anyone else think Blogger's format needs to be wider?
I LOST THE GAME.
"(damnation of memory)"
Fading into a nightmare
of delusions of grandeur
and vain suppositions of power...?
The people...are fading too.
A wellspring of faith
brings hope but
like a flickering candle--
it dies in the midst of a rough wind.
Bring your hands together
from the invisible chain that binds
those with the same fate
and fight to return to what once was.
A conquest of peace
brings about destruction--
Does this make it all the more worthy
or meaningful? meaningless?
Nightmares last
as long as the night lasts
but life continues onward for eternity--
Will we ever wake up?
A shallow sleep
is not sufficient
to take back what was lost
and forsaken.
in memoria di me--
aegri somnia de perdido.
(in memory of myself--
lost in troubled dreams)
--damnatio memoriae
Fading into a nightmare
of delusions of grandeur
and vain suppositions of power...?
The people...are fading too.
A wellspring of faith
brings hope but
like a flickering candle--
it dies in the midst of a rough wind.
Bring your hands together
from the invisible chain that binds
those with the same fate
and fight to return to what once was.
A conquest of peace
brings about destruction--
Does this make it all the more worthy
or meaningful? meaningless?
Nightmares last
as long as the night lasts
but life continues onward for eternity--
Will we ever wake up?
A shallow sleep
is not sufficient
to take back what was lost
and forsaken.
in memoria di me--
aegri somnia de perdido.
(in memory of myself--
lost in troubled dreams)
--damnatio memoriae
What ho! (the Shakespeare meaning please) Tis' another weekend to which I'm grateful is finally here. It's been a tough week for me but I'm sure others have it tougher than I. (If so, how are you? and you've got a listener on your side if one is called for.)
So lately I've been assigned by my Graphics teacher to design something for a T-shirt--it's a class project--but, what he doesn't know, is that I've been in a big artistic slump ever since I've been writing. Though I don't see it as a bad thing since I've been writing more poems as of late and that's quite an achievement for me (though they don't make much sense at times, or they focus on a character or a specific story). But I'm glad that I've gotten into the habit of writing in poem form since it helped me on an English assignment I had to do on Tennessee Williams' play A Streetcar Named Desire. It's a lovely play, though violent and at times suggestive, but it gave me a lot of insight on real-life conflicts and character development.
The strange thing in my school is that no one likes the books that are assigned...is that true? maybe, but I previously watched the movie and loved it so I loved the play version twice as much. Then, there was Millers' The Crucible, which I liked and made me take an interest in Nathaniel Hawthorne's works... Before that, we had to read various articles, though a bit boring (since the way we did these were really repetitive) they were on interesting subjects. Some, if I remember correctly were on: childhood obesity--who is responsible?; teenage crimes and whether sending them to adult jail was justified...things like that.
...I believe what I was trying to say is that reading is a fun and educational activity. Call me old fashioned but people, especially teenagers need to read more. I'm kind of tired, if not a little annoyed, when a student says something that is so obvious if they had read the material assigned.
I'm at a crossroads right now. One, I could continue ranting about what I find faulty in the educational system, while implementing multiple exclamation marks in the process. Or, two, I stick to my Libran nature and not poke the sleeping bear with a 3 cm toothpick. IT JUST CAN'T BE DONE! And besides, my mind wanders faster than the Roadrunner does from Wile E. Coyote. (I'm trying not to focus on anger because it makes me feel idiotic as I type.)
Is it just me who feels a bit lost? Probably...or not.
...Here's something that was mentioned today.
RULE 1: You are playing The Game.
RULE 2: Whenever you think about The Game, you lose.
RULE 3: Loss must be announced
The objective of the game is to forget it exists.