I should explain...a lot....but I'm not sure where or on what to start.

Right now my computer is connected to the modem in my dad's room and I have all the time in the world till he comes back. :-) First of all, happy new year to everybody! This New Year's was a little different than what I'm used to. My cousin invited her friends, had a big spread of food (to which I couldn't eat as much due to me having one of those canker sores on the side of my mouth--a spot that I kept biting on since my braces got adjusted a few days before) and sang karaoke till 3 in the morning...eh...it was...interesting.

Anyway, before the celebrating and before christmas (which was alright)...actually way before December at all...I've been having internet problems. I just stopped getting a signal and every now and then I'd get a signal for a moment and then it would disappear.

While the internet was on the fritz, I had to deal with personal and creative problems. And due to that I'm going to have to close down LoF since (after my cousin took me to see Twilight)...well...idk, I just felt I had to change it--all of it. And I'm not even sure how to begin it again, seeing that I have this tendency to severely criticize myself... Anywho, I did have a lot of things to change anyway, as well as things to add and whatnot in the beginning. :-) I think it'll be an interesting project all over again.

By the by, besides the mental conflicts and crud, I've been reading Dostoevsky's works lately--it's safe to say that I'm a little hooked! I just finished Crime and Punishment and just began The Idiot. I'd love to rant about C&P but I can't without spoiling it *curses quietly to herself*. Just know that I was kept on my toes throughout the beginning, middle and end...it was just the epilogue that kind of made me stop and say...WTF? Then again, it could never have ended better...I suppose (I'm still a little miffed about it but I'll get over it soon enough).



The poverty-stricken Raskolnikov, a talented student, devises a theory about extraordinary men being above the law, since in their brilliance they think “new thoughts” and so contribute to society. He then sets out to prove his theory by murdering a vile, cynical old pawnbroker and her sister. The act brings Raskolnikov into contact with his own buried conscience and with two characters — the deeply religious Sonia, who has endured great suffering, and Porfiry, the intelligent and discerning official who is charged with investigating the murder — both of whom compel Raskolnikov to feel the split in his nature. Dostoevsky provides readers with a suspenseful, penetrating psychological analysis that goes beyond the crime — which in the course of the novel demands drastic punishment — to reveal something about the human condition: The more we intellectualize, the more imprisoned we become.

I recommend Pevear and Volokhonsky's translation (and I'm trying to find their translation of The Idiot so I can actually compare two different translations) because that was the translation that kept me doggedly (somewhat) on the page, flipping and experiencing the dark conflicted atmosphere of the main character (on which I can hauntingly relate to). I even cried to the point that I had to set the book down before the pages were baptized with them. I'll definitely read it again.


In addition to the goings-on of my life (so far) I've been hopelessly addicted to Silent Hill. Alright, just to clarify, it isn't an addiction (or in any way hopeless) really (and I'm not one those uber-addicts... *shudders*) but an interest definitely. In addition to the movie based on it (and cannot wait for the second one to come out--which is far off in 2010 or something...maybe even farther due to some conflicts with the director and the script writers) the games are creepy and (to me) philosophical. I'm not sure how to describe them at all. The world you encounter is mainly because of the characters. Overall, the landscape and even the monsters (or people) you encounter are variations of the main character's (or others) thoughts--or, better yet, their innermost selves (think, the darkest part that should never see the light of day). Of course, there are others involved, side characters and whatnot... It's really varied and this is just my opinion of it. Well, know that it's capable of scarring you mentally in a good and bad way--the gameplay reflects that for the music (composed by genius Akira Yamaoka) could set you on edge (especially if you're a curious child who has nothing to do except watch her step-brothers play video games...in the dark).

Now this brings me to think over a lot of things, taking in C&P, Silent Hill and what I've been raving about internally... It feels almost like I've been in a delirium for a major portion of 2008.

And that kind of bites (no pun intended *cough cough*).