Hullo bloggers, just felt like posting a few words since I'm procrastinating at the moment.

For the next two days I have finals (which I'm not as worried as I should be) and then it's the new semester with new semester classes. It's been wonderfully rainy and windy, though I could without the damp shoes :) Oh and next week on January 31 (Sunday) I'll be going to an Anime Convention - which will be pretty sweet as it's my 1st one >.< It's a wonder how positive this post is compared to everything else. >.> Though it could be all these ants biting here and there that might have had something to do with it.

Yes. The house is being overrun by ants anytime a bit of food is left or maybe even a crumb. It isn't even that the house is terribly messy but more like they're living inside/under the house...much like the unlucky people who get stuck with beehives and have to call an exterminator (which I don't think will happen anytime soon for us so we have to deal with it).

... Well...there is a certain person who should be a bit considerate about food. Especially if it involves onions in refrigerators...uncovered or improperly put away. Sure, there isn't a one "right" way to put away onions but they should be sealed in some way that doesn't let the stink out. I've told them once or twice but it isn't enough. On this blog though, I will say it once.

Do NOT leave onions uncovered in the refrigerator. PLEASE. Put it in a baggie w/ a zipper or use a container like tupperware. If the onions just sit there it'll stink to high heaven, affecting any open drinks or soft foods like bread.

I swear to you bloggers that I had a donut in there I was hoping to save for lunchtime. So when I got it, I noticed the onion stink - which wasn't there before so it was put in when somebody cooked that evening. :| And so, I smelled a bit of onion and thought that it should be okay...but when I took a bite... I was wrong. So terribly terribly wrong.

For the sake of donuts everywhere, do not leave onions hanging out in the fridge. Or outside, in case the ants want'em too.

Hey, it isn't like I'm a little on the chubby side but I prefer my donuts onion-stink free. :U

To get that cosplay post out of the way...

How is everybody?

Just last week, first quarter ended so we had to rush on tests and the like. Surprisingly, I think I did pretty well, but you know how hoping goes (that later on you did worse than you thought). Then, three weeks later, right before Thanksgiving break (a week long break - huzzah!) we'll have a district assessment (and the three weeks after that and so on... I believe I've ranted about this before...if so, sorry for being repetitive). All in all, I'm not partial to tests.

To tell you the truth, there have been times where I could have blogged about something...but I chose not to (stupid me). I really should try to blog more...


The reason I haven't been blogging are two things: school and video games.

School is self-explanatory. This is my last year, everything has to be in order to graduate. This enables the imaginary Stress-o-Meter in my brain to rise, rise, rise...almost enough that the meter is at it's breaking point. Playing games helps, but that means less time for drawing and writing (well, I can't really say writing since I've been writing random ballads and poems, with some related to a particular story etc.).

I feel like I should delve more into the games I'm playing so I might do a post on that since I just finished playing Fire Emblem : Shadow Dragon. :| A loooot of things I want to rant about that...but that's my gamer side talking. :D He's angry, he's German, he's a gamer and he likes Crunch bars!/bad inside joke.

This could just be another figment of my imagination since childhood. The personalities I mean. Talking to yourself doesn't mean that there's another you, nor does it mean that you're crazy (doesn't it?).

Anyway, now you know why I'm anti-social (haha). I'll introduce you to these de-lightful people later when I figure out why they're here in the first place (and the reason besides, "They're here because I believe they're here."). Well, I'm off to be my own psychologist since there is no time (or money) to see a professional one.

Sorry if my first post back is a bit on the negative side.

I can't remember when I last posted something not writing-related...

Well, school is going along okay. Also, I have been getting into poetry lately (because we're reading Beowulf in class) and that's certainly interesting. A lot of papers have accumulated since I wrote my first lyric poem and am thinking of getting a separate binder to put them in, instead of cramming it down notebook sleeves.

Here's some news: I'm going to be 17 next Saturday and I'm not sure whether I should be excited or...not excited. It's only a number but I'll be that much closer to being seen and accounted for as an adult (as it so happens, it's likely I'll have to buy insurance for myself soon - give or take several years since I plan to go to some college). And...frankly... I'm not liking that. Only because I'm still undecided as to what I want to do, well, I am (somewhat), but it seems more like a dream to me (by that I mean to draw or become an illustrator of some sort).

So yeah... I'm pretty anxious about it and no matter how much I try to not think about the future - just all the possibilities and all - I can't (or I obsess about how much I can't suppress the fact that I am worried).

But, to go to a lighter topic, Halloween is on a Saturday this year! I plan to dress up and possibly take pictures! After weeks of thought it's official that I'll be cosplaying this year as...



I watched the anime and loved it. I'm planning to read the manga soon since the manga is always better and is much longer than the animation.

Anywho... It's going to be my first time cosplaying (though I doubt I'll be going to an anime convention anytime soon - b/c it's a given that people will recognize you and stuff which makes dressing up more enjoyable since you're around fellow fans).

Unlike some amazing people out there who make their own costumes I have to go shopping for the pieces - I've even changed the costume up a bit so it fits my body type. In the cosplaying world (yes, I've about googled my fill about this subject) specific details are a plus BUT because of my height - and the nature of his clothes (a bit loose up top since his body type - like most anime characters - is impossibly small and lean) I'm sure it'll look awkward if I had gray trousers with an oversized jacket. If it's anything, I've changed those trousers to somewhat short shorts and hopefully knee-length socks (or higher). So, it would almost be like the female version of him but also not because of this picture...


...yep.

Shopping around - got to keep to a budget you know? - is going to be a pain because I've made it mandatory on myself to assemble the pieces I already got/have (sweater, dress shirt) with the ones I need to see if it fits with everything else... I'm just wondering how I'm going to sneak the shoes in... >.>

In hopes of moving on from me talking about my costume it's a decent anime about modern ninjas. Way, way shorter than the ever-so popular Naruto and ten times more emotional.

And just mentioning emotional, I must mention as well that I cried (hence why I'm a fan).

All in all I liked it but it's not for everybody (like...boys for example because shounen-ai is hinted - boy's love - even though it isn't like that >.> well, not in my mind...not sure about everyone else).

Maybe it has a lot to do with a woman being the creator/ artist? (b/c it has that emotional element to it that's kind of downplayed in regular shonen stories).

What else to mention...?

Oh, I know it's autumn and all (hooray) but my room is still stupidly hot (and I'm not partial to heat). So I've been camping up in the parent's bedroom since it's much cooler - and I said this to explain why I haven't been on the computer much...at all.) I have been online for special instances however, like school stuff and updating my fictionpress account - just throwing it out there /fail

Right now, if it came up, I'm using my dad's laptop so thank it people because it made this post possible xD...and Kanye bites donkey-butt for his remark (now he's a meme - lol - but some people disagree it seems:)

From: urlesque

Yo, Kanye, I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but LOLcats had the best internet meme of all time! Oh, AND, Rick Astley is never gonna give you up!

by:// pepper - Sep 15th 2009

xD Anyway, I hope everyone's doing well - I can see you're all posting though! I wish I had some time to look over them but I have to get to work on homework - my anatomy class is oh so tedious (tons of notes, tons of drawings to go with the notes, and review questions that number to approximately 3 to 4 pairs of hands...at least!).

Okay...now back to looking up info on Beowulf for that essay...

K.WEST: YO, LAELAH, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH BUT GILGAMESH WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST EPICS OF ALL TIME!!

... /phael

Memes are hilarious.

It's only been the second day and it's...great.

Here's my schedule:

1 - American Government/Drafting
2 - English 4
3 - Anatomy & Physiology
4 - Algebra II
5 - Art I/Economics
6 - Horticulture

* the classes after the / are the classes I'll have in the Spring Semester

Alright. I know I've mentioned something about me not being a Math person but it's really weird that a Senior should have Alg II in the first place. >.>

I have a theory on why I despise Math but I'd end up typing two or two hundred paragraphs of me putting my hatred/dislike of Mathematics in layman's terms. BUT, being that this is the only class I really need to focus on (since everything else, even English, is fairly easy stuff) that's enough to motivate me to even want to learn about stuff I may/may not use later on. :) I decided on Illustration as my major (finally decided and I feel better about it).

So, to my First Day of school -

I've covered the whole Mother Nature sabotaging me part in the last post so I'll just move along (so I can get some work done).

First of all, I almost panicked because I wasn't sure where my class was so I had to ask a teacher...and...wow. D: For that brief second, I was reminded of Grey, the protagonist from Year Zero. Of course, it was a tiny voice at the time but as I walked away I couldn't help but mentally slap myself.

You know on every first day, you look for people you know in your classes. Whether you want to or not, it's what you do. You can't help it since it is a new year and all. :) Walking in first period (and I wasn't tardy, woo!) I felt awkward. I mean, you see empty seats and a sparse amount of people and they're all looking at the doorway. But, fortunately, there was someone I somewhat knew and that made it better.

Second period, not so lucky. Though I do have some people from last year's English class but it isn't like I talk to them frequently.

After second, we have a ten minute break called Brunch... In which I met someone too (and that made me happy).

Third...was interesting. The teacher's kinda cool - like the intelligent-cool teacher everyone has mixed reactions about - though the introductory speech dragged a bit. And me, being a fool and sleeping two or so hours before having to wake up, was nodding off. That is the last thing you want to do ever when you have a teacher like this guy - there's that fine line between lenient and strict.

Fourth I coincidentally have the same teacher I had when I took Algebra II during Sophomore year. D: Yes. I have failed this damn class for two years straight but do take into account that some serious family crap was going on and I nearly bombed all my classes then. Sophomore year and partial of Junior year is something I'd rather not remember.

Anyways, pretty basic stuff... NOT. I'd hate to get all girly on you guys but there was this German exchange student who everyone (mostly the girls) freaked out over. (Damn my modesty or lack of caring/shallowness) Simply put, he was just really really pretty...for a dude. Not just that, he was tall and had a really deep accent. It sucks how many of the girls paid more attention to him than the Chinese Exchange student. I was also reminded of a character, who, if they lived here, on Earth, would probably be German...

After was lunch. It was a sad lunch. xD I walked around in the halls just looking for a spot to sit - and was perusing to see where my next class would be when... HOLY -- Sorry people, I have this fixation on awesomely styled hair (it's 'cause I'm strangely attached to my hair - it's fairly long now atm >.> it's something from my childhood when my dad used to cut my hair and it made me sad as to how straight and short it was always cut. It was also the era before I had bangs). But yeah... Sadly, I think I'm hated by this person (or just awkward on some levels - again, something happened between the both of us during Sophomore year - yep, right when I was feeling my lowest). We aren't on speaking terms but :) "Thank you" is what I'd say if I ever get the chance (like never)... Though I doubt they'll know why I'm thanking them.

So after, looking around, I found a good spot to sit, read some chapters of The Brothers Karamazov till the bell rang and along I went to...

Art class! In which the teacher was new and originally came from Germany with English as her second language. And people were rude enough to make fun of her without her knowing. It was just a lot of introductions again. I was hoping that we could do some drawing excercises - like shading, shapes etc. but that didn't happen. I was disappointed but today we got working (somewhat). I'm still nervous about drawing with people next to me though...

Sixth period is Horticulture...more like Landscaping. Fortunately, I am not alone. :) Fun times. We basically pulled weeds, raked, swept, hosed down windows... It's just awesome. Not to mention we get to plant stuff later on. I think it's epic that this is a year-long class! What a way to end the day right?

So there.

First days are always awkward. Actually any "First..." thing is. It's almost like it's built right into the word itself. There's the general nervousness, the excitement, the letdowns and the relief you feel after the day is done.

I may sound as if I'm talking/typing right out of my arse, but it's my last First day on the school I've attended to for three years. In those three years I actually liked this school. Also, it's somewhat reassuring that two of my half-brothers walked the same halls and fields. But now it's being torn down and redone. I feel that at the end of the year I will lose something and gain something in return. I'm unsure as to how large this thing I lose will be, I mean, what if what I gain and lose don't equal up? It wouldn't seem very fair.

Anywho, there's my fear for you. One of my fears. The other fear are the words I will never say to the people I will never, most likely never ever ever see again.

Oh and the answer to this riddle was...

A writer's notebook! /fail

Hi people!

It's a record 2:35 am and it's officially the second day of senior year...
Fantastic...

But seriously, the first day went alright - better than I expected anyway being it my last first day (and it's a big deal since this'll be the last year before the school is entirely rebuilt and everything is shiny and clean and neat and "futuristic") - but it could've been better if Mother Nature didn't decide to pay me a visit on the same day. I would've been fine if it was...say...next week...but no. It just had to be this week and on that day - Wednesday (which I consider to be the butt of the entire week) - and I am abusing italics it appears!

Anywho, I'm going to try to sleep (I get an A for effort) and maybe tomorrow I can blog about my impressions. There were certainly some interesting things I noticed and such and such that I can't think of at the moment...

Till later today then! (if I don't fall asleep in the afternoon...again)

Today, it isn't better but having a somewhat negative post just doesn't give me that "resolved" feeling. I mean, you think that making a problem open for others to see would make someone feel better but I guess it's a matter of vocalizing them instead.

Then again, I'm not very good at that either so I'm turning to the written word and focusing on the dialogue the characters are saying. :)

I'm a person who doesn't really have a vile bone in their body and may not even react when it's a really negative situation...though I do tend to overreact at times (and i happen to be comical when that happens). However, that doesn't mean that I don't take negative things to heart. I consider the situation, I mope and be emo about it, maybe assess it or, all in all, ignore it until it blows way out of proportion. Hmm...as long as you know that I hate keeping pessimistic thoughts in my head (not that I'm optimistic all the time). I think I meant pessimistic thoughts about others but...yeah.

As the title says:

Back to the Word Processor!

I don't have the slightest idea on what to say right now since a whole hurricane (if not a freakin' super-mega ginormous mental storm) made these three days seem like an ETERNITY (and the capital letters aren't just for show). I might sound a bit rant-y...

Frankly I also don't have the slightest idea where to start so I'll go ahead and say what's been bothering my mind as of late.

My father's auto shop got robbed AGAIN. Good God. I swear any mention of the economy just tenses up the atmosphere, especially since the shop is located in...how do you say...not a very financially well-off place but the place has car/truck related merits that I can't wrap my head around at the moment due to the fact that the business in a whole is something he doesn't openly talk about at home, where I am. So that's two issues right there.

Another issue regards finances, there and here and other places where he invested money into. Yes. It bothers me that the house is barely being paid for. And I just learned today that he can barely pay the minimum but some people are taking care of it and negotiating the price that's supposed to be paid every month or so. Also, there's the issue with my step-brothers that lodge here who don't assist paying off the bills...then there's me, the worthless sixteen year-old who reads and types and can't even get her head straight due to, what can be called, menial problems. Who's possibly setting herself up for many bad days to come because there's so many things wrong in life that makes everything appear unfair and cries and screams about it into a towel while huddled up in the apparent "safety" that is the bathroom.

I feel as if everything is my fault because I can't bear to live in the present. Is that bad? Yes times a million. I'm young and I can't enjoy it, sadly.

However, I know these things come to pass (ah, the terribleness that is to be a teenager) and it'll probably be YEARS till I can feel better about myself and everything. I also know that I can't do a lot, like, get a job and help pay stuff off (which I can't due to my circumstances--yes, I can't go out by myself because that's who's with me when I'm at "home"). So I'll continue doing small things around the house, especially here in my little room.

I was so horribly traumatized by a movie and by my own nightmares that I can't sleep without the television on. I found out that candles are a better substitute and it smells nice when I sleep. I also unplug things before I leave and make sure any lights are turned off. Strangely enough, when my step-brother leaves right after he picks me up from school, he leaves the lights on apparently because there are "crazies" in the neighborhood (not really... I blame the news media). So, when I first went downstairs and saw all the lights on, I couldn't help but feel like that one lonesome household pet... Kind of makes you want to raise an eyebrow doesn't it? I did, and I am at this moment asking myself that I'm really going to publish this... Of course that is a yes.

As for the shop problem, giving it up (because with all the expenses with repairing and securing it and stuff like that) sounds like the best way out of bankruptcy but he isn't going to give it up. I think it's because owning such an establishment is his dream. Hopefully, he can distinguish the fine line between dreams and their relevance to real life. I'm not sure if I typed that out right... But yes, there's always that one line that you can't cross because you can't afford to cross it. But he has faith so those who support his decision will have faith too I guess. *shrugs*

Sure, it doesn't sound like that apocalyptic storm I mentioned but it's a storm nevertheless that I have to stick through...not to mention keep hold of my wits before it gets blown away like in that one movie/story with the tornado and a dog with a four letter first name.

Putting aside everything, it was sunny and windy. I also saw foggy forest mountainscapes (even though it was on the side of the freeway and I don't think that that's a real word) that reminded me so much of the setting of LH. I ended up taking pictures and happened to come across a flock of sheep. Once I get the camera software onto this computer I'll probably end up posting it (I'm lazy so I don't know when that's going to happen). I have been reading lately and drawing here and there, as well as, typing and planning scenes on [omitted for the sake of cutting myself short for no reason].

And there's my weekend. It's like that itch you know you have but you have no idea where it's coming from so you have to deal with the tingly awkward feeling (and I know how awfully strange that sounds *smacks forehead*). But, I am in better spirits...which probably won't last because I don't feel rested at all.

*shakes fist at non-existant Monday entity immortalized by Garfield*

Apparently this weekend I'll be going a certain somewhere to a certain airport to pick up a certain relative or two of my cousin's. Yeah. Just felt like making the sentence sound...complicated.

There shall also be sight-seeing and amusement park rides...though I wish that not a lot of money be spent...that, and if the weather won't be so hot this weekend (which, according to the news reports, it shall). *shakes fist at California weather*

There is bad news too (not that I'm saying that this visit won't particularly be good news. Kidding.).

The bad news is that I will not have not have access to my beloved desktop (maybe a laptop) which means that I cannot edit or type how I please. Though I may be able to visit Blogger and post a wee snippet or two at night. Just know that I will bring my trusty pen and journal, my music, a good book and good thoughts. Of course, there's the clothes and toiletries but honestly that's a bit boring.

I can't say much because I just learned about this yesterday. So, I'll see how that all works out.

Lately I've been picking at the draft I wrote for NaNoWriMo while doing this and that on another story. It's fun, so far, and exhausting. But that's only because I have a report due at the end of the week for English, while still being able to cram for the state tests (which got moved to next week due to the swine flu "epidemic") so I'm a little worn out. Oh. I also have a test on Thursday and my teacher expects us to know the material that we started at the end of last week. How fun. Also, my allergies are acting up and this cough is very stubborn. Exciting, isn't it?

Can you tell that I'm brimming with enthusiasm?

Here's to the others who are having a better week than me.

If you want a small laugh. Click here. :)

I've been neglecting blogger but everyone has those reasons that deters them from doing thing they enjoy (and yes, that means that I like posting on Blogger, no matter if what I post gets no comments).

It's the fun of blogging on the internet. :)

What is this,
that I see
floating in the far plane

A light
a fallen star
A wish that had never been made

I take the star
in it's ethereal glow
holding it gingerly in my hands

I utter the words
those incandescent words
of thoughtless wishes and wants in my mind

Only, I find
the star loses it's glow
a second too late and white as snow

Crumbling in my hands
no matter how many times I call it's name
the name on which I had forgotten

Lost, yet again
on a world ever moving
of time never stopping

Dreams stay only
as an illusion
and incorporeal to the touch

Always spanning
between both worlds
but existing in only one

The sad, sad truth
of what was never accomplished
for there is no instant gratification.

Just taking some time to gather my thoughts before opening some documents and typing. I feel that there aren't a lot of days where people stop and think about what's good. It's always something so immediate, something that has to be done right away, or something so depressing that it can't leave you alone...

As of late, I've peered into an old diary I kept in middle school, not a lot of years ago. Sadly, I ended up feeling years beyond 16, like I had been peering into the life of a child that lived...say...a century or decade from my time (whatever that means). I laughed and slapped my forehead in disbelief in what was my lame writing (since I wrote in print and mediocre cursive) and the words I chose to describe my day. It was...questionable.

Among the box where my diary was kept were stuffed toys, photos/pictures, little cut-outs from video game packages, old cards (one birthday one from my father and a christmas one from a classmate) and several notebooks/notepads (one of them given from a teacher where we had to write poetry in). The poetry...struck me the most, only because (from speculation) it was during the time when the title "best friends" didn't apply anymore. For the sake of practice for a piece I'm working on I'll attempt to describe what I saw...

The writing style was mixed--an array of printed letters and cursive. Words had no particular slant but deviated from left, right or straight; the words themselves either passed or never touched the guidelines of the paper. Some words are incoherent, meaning that emotions guided the shaky hand that wrote this piece--the stand-alone word "friend" written as such is the title. There is no date as to which this was written.
The content is as such, written in pencil:

friend

Somehow, you think of a person as a friend
And that they would be with you till the end

But like everything else, the term 'friend' is a facade
to the great scheme, preferably by god,

angel wings captivate innocence
and two hands conjoining captivates friend

but what is the deal [this is striked out] but when people are alone they tend,
to those pains in the heart that begets a fred (friend).

for me, a friend cost me things, emotions barter(ed) here and there,
the life being played from this path which I stray,
from fate and destiny,
I regret having this friend [the last two words are written with significantly more pressure than the rest].

So what was my point exactly for the previous bit of depressing information? Not a lot. I have seen books where it's in a diary perspective but the words are strictly in the words of the writer. I wanted to try something new for the purpose of practicing to what I think to be a bad/risky idea. Think a narrative in diary format but there are elements in it that describe certain aspects of the writing. Like another person, a third party, has read it already and noted things down beit memos or if words are omitted but are recognizable still so the words are written down and is noted afterwards to have been striked out...minor things like that. "There's only so much you can do with the typed word compared to the written word. So why not recreate it?" That's the point I'm trying to get across, I finally realized it just now. *hits forehead*

Yeah. I blog as I think. Kind of makes me wonder how other people blog...?

Err...it appears I've blogged for too long (and here I was hoping for a short post to get the writing juices flowing) but it doesn't mean that I have to close down the word processing programs (of course I'd lose some sleep but...)

...reading over the post, another point was appreciating the good things wasn't it? I don't feel like I do that enough. And because of that I lose sight of what I want to accomplish. Right now, I want to get to writing! On the other hand, I should treat my body better and get some sleep (it's only fair since my body's been working overtime for the past week). Who knew the week after Spring Break would be a bit...difficult...? Haha I've got nothing to complain about though. It's just that the teachers are rushing on what information we need to get in our heads before assessments...again.

*pushes away school from brain* Aargh! Okay. I really need to stop drifting on and off topics here.

I remember a time of peace where, on those cloudy sunny days during lunch, on the large expanse of grass, there was no one around that could disturb the setting. So we'd lay there, backpacks propped underneath our heads as our eyes watched the clouds roll by. My hands intertwined together over my stomach--never had I felt more in tune with myself. I heard, felt, could hear myself breathe. A breeze never smelled so sweet. And the sky never looked so inviting. The clamor of reality simmered to a low buzz in my head, and all there was in this space was myself and a person I kept dear next to me at the time. It felt like an eternity before the sound of a bell broke this peace, signaling us back from the comforts of dreamworld.

And no, there were no animals. Just clouds.

The box in which I kept my middle school things... I doubt I'll return it to it's place in the garage. But I shall close it eventually because it takes a considerable amount of space in my room. However, it's also been a considerable amount of time ever since I first closed my mind on the past. At least, on the good things. (And here I was wondering why I always thought of the bad things.) Without the good balancing the bad, what do you turn into I wonder?

What we call 'life' passes by so quickly without us noticing because the concept of time is an illusion. But I'm sure you all know or have considered it as such at times.

What ho! (the Shakespeare meaning please) Tis' another weekend to which I'm grateful is finally here. It's been a tough week for me but I'm sure others have it tougher than I. (If so, how are you? and you've got a listener on your side if one is called for.)

So lately I've been assigned by my Graphics teacher to design something for a T-shirt--it's a class project--but, what he doesn't know, is that I've been in a big artistic slump ever since I've been writing. Though I don't see it as a bad thing since I've been writing more poems as of late and that's quite an achievement for me (though they don't make much sense at times, or they focus on a character or a specific story). But I'm glad that I've gotten into the habit of writing in poem form since it helped me on an English assignment I had to do on Tennessee Williams' play A Streetcar Named Desire. It's a lovely play, though violent and at times suggestive, but it gave me a lot of insight on real-life conflicts and character development.

The strange thing in my school is that no one likes the books that are assigned...is that true? maybe, but I previously watched the movie and loved it so I loved the play version twice as much. Then, there was Millers' The Crucible, which I liked and made me take an interest in Nathaniel Hawthorne's works... Before that, we had to read various articles, though a bit boring (since the way we did these were really repetitive) they were on interesting subjects. Some, if I remember correctly were on: childhood obesity--who is responsible?; teenage crimes and whether sending them to adult jail was justified...things like that.

...I believe what I was trying to say is that reading is a fun and educational activity. Call me old fashioned but people, especially teenagers need to read more. I'm kind of tired, if not a little annoyed, when a student says something that is so obvious if they had read the material assigned.

I'm at a crossroads right now. One, I could continue ranting about what I find faulty in the educational system, while implementing multiple exclamation marks in the process. Or, two, I stick to my Libran nature and not poke the sleeping bear with a 3 cm toothpick. IT JUST CAN'T BE DONE! And besides, my mind wanders faster than the Roadrunner does from Wile E. Coyote. (I'm trying not to focus on anger because it makes me feel idiotic as I type.)

Is it just me who feels a bit lost? Probably...or not.

...Here's something that was mentioned today.

Crap. I just lost the game.

Happy Friday everyone!

Alright, so maybe not everyone is having a happy Friday or a happy...whatever...but know that I wish you well wherever you are...and to backup your writings and important computer stuffs however you can.

I'm just glad the account documents were saved onto the Mac's hard disk...automatically.

Long story short, I just had the biggest computer scare I've had for awhile. The first was when my laptop was overwhelmed by some pesky malware that took over my desktop and tried to make me sign up for fraudulent virus prevention software. But I came out unscathed...except that that laptop's memory is F-R-I-E-D. Fried. I don't know if I've mentioned this but it wasn't mine in the first place anyways... It was my step-brother's R and he just played World of Warcraft (and did other stuff, I'm just not sure what) before giving it away (*cough*selling for a profit*cough*)

To rectify my past meaningless posts, I'll dig something from my piles of notes about what I'm working on (It's the weekend so I can focus on this finally!)...

I should explain...a lot....but I'm not sure where or on what to start.

Right now my computer is connected to the modem in my dad's room and I have all the time in the world till he comes back. :-) First of all, happy new year to everybody! This New Year's was a little different than what I'm used to. My cousin invited her friends, had a big spread of food (to which I couldn't eat as much due to me having one of those canker sores on the side of my mouth--a spot that I kept biting on since my braces got adjusted a few days before) and sang karaoke till 3 in the morning...eh...it was...interesting.

Anyway, before the celebrating and before christmas (which was alright)...actually way before December at all...I've been having internet problems. I just stopped getting a signal and every now and then I'd get a signal for a moment and then it would disappear.

While the internet was on the fritz, I had to deal with personal and creative problems. And due to that I'm going to have to close down LoF since (after my cousin took me to see Twilight)...well...idk, I just felt I had to change it--all of it. And I'm not even sure how to begin it again, seeing that I have this tendency to severely criticize myself... Anywho, I did have a lot of things to change anyway, as well as things to add and whatnot in the beginning. :-) I think it'll be an interesting project all over again.

By the by, besides the mental conflicts and crud, I've been reading Dostoevsky's works lately--it's safe to say that I'm a little hooked! I just finished Crime and Punishment and just began The Idiot. I'd love to rant about C&P but I can't without spoiling it *curses quietly to herself*. Just know that I was kept on my toes throughout the beginning, middle and end...it was just the epilogue that kind of made me stop and say...WTF? Then again, it could never have ended better...I suppose (I'm still a little miffed about it but I'll get over it soon enough).



The poverty-stricken Raskolnikov, a talented student, devises a theory about extraordinary men being above the law, since in their brilliance they think “new thoughts” and so contribute to society. He then sets out to prove his theory by murdering a vile, cynical old pawnbroker and her sister. The act brings Raskolnikov into contact with his own buried conscience and with two characters — the deeply religious Sonia, who has endured great suffering, and Porfiry, the intelligent and discerning official who is charged with investigating the murder — both of whom compel Raskolnikov to feel the split in his nature. Dostoevsky provides readers with a suspenseful, penetrating psychological analysis that goes beyond the crime — which in the course of the novel demands drastic punishment — to reveal something about the human condition: The more we intellectualize, the more imprisoned we become.

I recommend Pevear and Volokhonsky's translation (and I'm trying to find their translation of The Idiot so I can actually compare two different translations) because that was the translation that kept me doggedly (somewhat) on the page, flipping and experiencing the dark conflicted atmosphere of the main character (on which I can hauntingly relate to). I even cried to the point that I had to set the book down before the pages were baptized with them. I'll definitely read it again.


In addition to the goings-on of my life (so far) I've been hopelessly addicted to Silent Hill. Alright, just to clarify, it isn't an addiction (or in any way hopeless) really (and I'm not one those uber-addicts... *shudders*) but an interest definitely. In addition to the movie based on it (and cannot wait for the second one to come out--which is far off in 2010 or something...maybe even farther due to some conflicts with the director and the script writers) the games are creepy and (to me) philosophical. I'm not sure how to describe them at all. The world you encounter is mainly because of the characters. Overall, the landscape and even the monsters (or people) you encounter are variations of the main character's (or others) thoughts--or, better yet, their innermost selves (think, the darkest part that should never see the light of day). Of course, there are others involved, side characters and whatnot... It's really varied and this is just my opinion of it. Well, know that it's capable of scarring you mentally in a good and bad way--the gameplay reflects that for the music (composed by genius Akira Yamaoka) could set you on edge (especially if you're a curious child who has nothing to do except watch her step-brothers play video games...in the dark).

Now this brings me to think over a lot of things, taking in C&P, Silent Hill and what I've been raving about internally... It feels almost like I've been in a delirium for a major portion of 2008.

And that kind of bites (no pun intended *cough cough*).

This was probably one of the more memorable halloweens ever! At first, of course, I was late to school (since I was too tired trying to figure out a last minute costume b/c of a couple dilemmas) but I made it in the middle of second period. I didn't wear the ghost costume (like that polaroid I took a picture off) but I wore the angel wings and a balck dress with a red ribbon (which I wish I could've taken a picture of before it as gone completely.

For a last minute costume it went pretty well.

I changed into the ghost costume once my cousin arrived to help me give out candy. We practically stood outside, motionless like statues, and waited for the arrival of trick-or-treaters. And form all that standing, my feet were tired--crazily enough, I started waltzing in the middle of the road since there were barely any people coming anyway. So...that was a lot of fun. :-D

Anywho, I'm psyched for NaNoWriMo but still can't get my head wrapped around LoF. I tried to do some of the editing earlier today but...it didn't work out so well as I had planned. I might even have to write a post to post-pone the updates till NaNo is done.

...But I'll give that some though before doing so.

Besides a candy-filled halloween (by that I mean siphoning off Life Savers...and seeing hi-larious costumes (jeez, I saw a dude clad in a prom dress and make-up and banana people...and three obese ninjas with their rear-ends showing...) it's been a fun day/night and it's going to rain!

Hope everyone's Halloween was something...Halloweeny...well, something along those lines. :-)

*slams head on desk* I haven't been on Blogger recently...but I have my reasons for this lack of updates.

I can't really say that this week started out in the best way possible nor can I say things are looking up in the following week (with the end of the quarter on Ol' Hallows Eve--imagine taking the end assessment in your halloween costume LOL). And with myself being a bit disoriented for a few days I thought things over instead of doing assignments like I was supposed to be...and I began thinking on how to properly end chapter 6 as well the whole story (which leads me to the announcement that ch. 6 won't be coming this Friday). Sadly I thought I might be able to finish it but I couldn't really force it out even though I can see it unravel in my head.

But besides the bad I have had a few good things happen lately.

Did I mention my love for the sport volleyball? It just so happens that we're playing that in Gym class...it doesn't seem like much but I have gym for first period and it's easier to wake up in the morning knowing that I'm going to do something I like.

Another thing is music. :-) I've been searching for music that somehow, at least in the slightest matched with what I'm writing--so it's easier to get in the mood of writing a certain scene or anything for that matter (I still have problems when drawing things out though--I've been writing so much lately that illustrating and such is so foreign to me now).

Writing. Though I should have been working on ch. 6 I moved my focus the previous weekend (and on Monday/Tuesday) on the background of LoF. I asked myself what my purpose was for writing since I need to clarify it to myself (I'm complicated like that :-| ) and I got to the conclusion that I need the practice and I thought a short story might be good. Though now, it's not so short, at least with the ideas I'm getting that can expand it a bit. So far, I've thought of backstories and the story that goes right after. And amongst these ideas, the current story just went to a pause and I said to myself then: "something isn't right here." I'm well aware that I've probably made a few mistakes and Alice's personality or Dmitri's might not seem clear--and that enough is bothering me--but I forgot that that was my challenge to myself. I remember, before I started writing it, that I post my hastily written drafts until the story is done, then I edit it from start to finish and repost. It seems like a good idea yes? But I'm just afraid that the ending might not have the same impact I envisioned it to have with my current drafts--but I'll still try since that goal I gave myself is also similar to the NaNoWriMo challenge...just not in one month's time. :-|

Hmmm...I should probably get to sleep now (11:55) :-D then again, I am the nocturnal type.

Okay, for some reason there was something wrong with the internet connection (and I'm still not sure on how it got restored) so all I did during that time (Friday and Saturday) was work on the third chapter of LoF. So, I apologize for the delay for I'll be posting it as of now (right after this post).

On more recent news, my birthday didn't go as awesome since I was a bit under the weather. my throat was hurting and I was coughing like crazy the whole day. Around third period I was so close to going to the attendance office to try to excuse myself but I figured to ride out the whole day--and I'm glad I did since it turned out to be a fun day. But yes, I'm officially the ol' 1 and 6 and I don't feel too different.

That's pretty much it besides my current adoration for a band called the Lostprophets.

*runs around in circles till dizzy*

...and I'm happy because it just rained recently. :-D

(Yes, I read Vampire Knight)

I'd say that this week hasn't been the best, since I've been tired for some reason and have been caught sleeping in class a couple times (and it's only Wednesday). Although I can't wait for Friday—since that's the day when I turn that age. Besides that though, I'm supposed to blog (as an assignment for Comp. Graph) about my career. Seriously, I'm stuck between being an illustrator or author but maybe I'll just blog a bit about both? (Boy, that sentence was pretty pointless.)

I do apologize for my last post—I have a hard time straightening things out if I don't read it over a couple times—it was very emo of me. Yes, setting aside my personal life, the story is going well. At first, I thought I was going to have to delay this week's update but I don't have to anymore. :-D

Though I do wonder why I chose to write a vampire story in the first place. *ponders for a while* As for the Sunday Scribblings story (invitation) I wasn't sure whatI was thinking when I wrote that so...yeah.

...Just a post since I'm not in much of a sleeping mood (since my cousin's mother is going home tomorrow and she insisted that we have to go attend church in the morning--and you know me, can't really wake up early and (don't assassinate me or something) I don't really take to a certain religion). Pretty much, I'm supposed to wake up early and I'm just not sleepy. Simple right?
Well, maybe I did have a reason. Earlier today I was awash with sadness--almost suddenly and I was bitter and angry and it isn't even that time of the month. Haha. Then when my cousin would ask me why I was like that I couldn't really explain it because I wasn't entirely sure how. This is how writing helps me though. :-)

Here's the situation:

I used to have a friend, whom I considered my best friend; this was around junior high. In ways, we were alike and had flaws but found something in each other that we could not have. She was pretty, tall, wrote really well and was pretty dang smart in math (unlike me haha) if I say so myself. I, on the other hand, was bad at Math, short (well, shorter than her but I'm pretty average in height), self-conscious, was a mediocre writer (at that time) and drew. During that time she was working on a story and I would draw her characters for her--which I liked to do but I wasn't that good of an artist then. There was even a time when we thought it'd be better if we were sisters and, after graduating, would board together with our other friends and work on projects or work together to pay off rent, you know, just have fun. It was a weird thought but I wanted to believe in it--which is foolish since life doesn't exactly work like that.
Then, something happened. I already knew that her parents had divorced a long time ago but I didn't know that she was kind of dependent on me to keep her life in order. So when I got angry and basically told her off (because of some selfish reason) she just broke down and the friendship and the dream went stale. I planned to apologize I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Because I knew her for the longest time (ever since I moved here) she too played a part in keeping my world in a balance. My world however was something I didn't like but had to follow along. My father would work, my mother would too. My step-brothers K and R made the house somewhat lively and, in a way, we knew what mother was capable of if something was amiss-- we've all been through her 'punishments.' And because of what I've been through with her I've always kept my guard up and didn't really want to cause any trouble at home; however, once I got to school I'd be free and be able to do whatever I wanted for that short amount of time.

Since she wasn't there I'd be happy and I was but once my friend and I no longer talked--my guard was put up and I wasn't sure what I was doing for that whole week, except talk to people that I normally wouldn't have. During that time, she probably thought I perpetually hated her (and she had every right to) but when people were talking behind her back and spreading some stupid rumor I'd refute them.

So, in a sense, I kind of miss having that someone in real life to talk to. Just talk, have fun, all that friend stuff since my guard is always up now and I don't really want it to be. Although I do talk to people and pal around, be nice and make funny/sarcastic remarks, they don't really know much about me and I them.

I'm still holding onto that childish belief that someone would sweep me off my feet and take me away from all this--a prince if you will-- I just never got around to saying it. Just someone I can relate to, as a friend or more (I guess being a libra kind of adds to this). I try my best to balance my life with what I want to do, trying to be a little realistic but avoiding being too realistic since that isn't in my nature.

I suppose that everyone is looking for that someone, and I'm not going to a be a kid for much longer (I know that much). It feels as if my childhood was consumed with trying to avoid my tyrannical mother, following the rules of my strict father, and moving around CA making then leaving friends behind. Right now I'm trying to reform myself, trying to find myself since I didn't have much freedom to do so when I was younger and the loss of a best friend...*sigh*.

Well, this is all I had to say. Not sure whether it made any sense but I just wanted to sort a couple things out. I'm sure people would understand. :-)

GASP. Dang that server ghost messing with the font size...

Oops. Nevermind. (it was fixed seconds later)

Besides the world getting a little off these days--getting either better or worse by the day (not so sure myself). Tomorrow I'm to take the 3-week assessments. I wonder too whether other high schools do the same thing? Well, I can say I'm kind of prepared and not--meaning I'm more confident about the English assessment than Algebra 2 (and I dislike Alg 2 with a passion of a thousand suns) but I have no choice but to go through the class in order to graduate. Maybe it would've been better if I didn't take Alg 1 in the summer before freshman year--so all I have to take this year is geometry (which was easy for me).

Hmm, besides me venting about school--the story is going pretty well. I'm doing a couple of revisions though but I'll still be able to post on Friday (and this Friday is going to be awesome since it'll be a half day--on which I get out of school around 12:57 or something). I think it's going along at a good pace but I'm going to need a second opinion on that. :-) Aside from my writing and school, everything is going okay.

...Err...I didn't have a lot to say this time.

*goes off on Microsoft Word Works Processor to continue typing*

I just suddenly noticed the Followers thing on the dashboard and put it up on my blog. I thought it was a cool idea. Bah! More ramblings I think. Yes but the word followers looks weird to me--at least, if I keep looking at it. I think some people have noticed that sometime in their life. *shrugs*

When I looked at my past posts I couldn't help but feel a little bit vain or selfish. That happens though when there is nothing to do (or at least having the mindset that you have nothing to do) and you suddenly start thinking of the things you don't want to think of. But I suppose that this was why I started this blog anyways...to have something to do, to talk about stuff and pretty much vent about problems. It seems like the typical teenager kind of thing doesn't it? *hides in a corner*

Ah well, now that I'm busy I don't have to dwell about things like that anymore--at least, not so much. I've suddenly taken a bigger interest in writing and I'm hoping to develop it more so, besides Sunday Scribblings, I'm a member of The Writing Circle (as you might know from a post back in June) and they just sent out the newest challenge--but of course I can't tell you what it is. ;-)