+ + + Raison d'être—reason for being
Just a little "dabble." I've had angel stories since I started writing so I thought it'd be a nice change of pace from what I've been writing about so far.
Monochrome images told him the past. It was peaceful, always, when he looked back. The peal of childlike laughter, the gentle warmth of sunshine and two hands clasped together in friendship. All had once played a part in his, if not everyone else's life.
They were...insufficient, the quality in which he saw those images. Faces, voices, were distorted beyond recognition. What once was warm and friendly—what once was happy—brought sadness and confusion.
A blurry smile. A flower tucked in the crook of their ear...
Fading away and away and away...like a trick of the light, till she was gone.
+ + +
"He's run away!"
Crash! Will's hand slipped, the delicate porcelain that harbored the morning's fresh tea dropped to the floor. Her left eyebrow twitched in rage as she met the frightened maid's eyes. It was then that the news had been confirmed. Esra escaped.
And through the window no less, she thought as she investigated the scene. Her hand drifted over the wooden countertop where Esra's belongings laid just last night... She opened one of the drawers underneath. Gone. She cursed under her breath, crossing her arms as she leaned onto the counter.
Will had kept that blasted gun under lock and key. Esra, with his strength, broke it without a sweat. It was stupid to think that a measly lock can stop a being of his caliber but she thought... Will ran her hand through her hair. She thought he'd listen to reason, and the gun, being stowed away at arms length from where he slept...it was a case of trust. Will thought for sure he wouldn't pursue her—the ghost, no, the other half of Katarin—but he went and did it anyway. What? Was he suicidal? He had been injured in previous struggles, was hurt in ways Will couldn't imagine, not to mention his ordeal the previous day—where he fell unconscious in the street right after a bout with a high level demon...
A chill traveled down her spine.
Will dashed to the window, felt the spring air brush her auburn waist length hair over her shoulders. Tears were forming at her eyes, at the realization of this, she used the back of her hand to brush them away. This was bad. She stepped onto the ledge of the window, her hands steadying her bent frame. Really, really bad. Will closed her eyes briefly, in order to mute the sounds of the spectators below. Soon she felt a warmth in the center of her forehead, the place where the angels had blessed her, where Esra blessed her mere moments before death... She leapt forward. Gasps ran around, screams and shouts...then, voices of awe and shock. Some kept quiet, crossing themselves instead.
White feathers danced overhead, the wind carrying them further west. Will, used to summoning her wings now (for she'd been practicing like hell to control her powers) followed the wind. It could have been a hunch, her going this way, but as she neared her destination, her heart seemed to sink into desperation more and more...
Crash! Will's hand slipped, the delicate porcelain that harbored the morning's fresh tea dropped to the floor. Her left eyebrow twitched in rage as she met the frightened maid's eyes. It was then that the news had been confirmed. Esra escaped.
And through the window no less, she thought as she investigated the scene. Her hand drifted over the wooden countertop where Esra's belongings laid just last night... She opened one of the drawers underneath. Gone. She cursed under her breath, crossing her arms as she leaned onto the counter.
Will had kept that blasted gun under lock and key. Esra, with his strength, broke it without a sweat. It was stupid to think that a measly lock can stop a being of his caliber but she thought... Will ran her hand through her hair. She thought he'd listen to reason, and the gun, being stowed away at arms length from where he slept...it was a case of trust. Will thought for sure he wouldn't pursue her—the ghost, no, the other half of Katarin—but he went and did it anyway. What? Was he suicidal? He had been injured in previous struggles, was hurt in ways Will couldn't imagine, not to mention his ordeal the previous day—where he fell unconscious in the street right after a bout with a high level demon...
A chill traveled down her spine.
Will dashed to the window, felt the spring air brush her auburn waist length hair over her shoulders. Tears were forming at her eyes, at the realization of this, she used the back of her hand to brush them away. This was bad. She stepped onto the ledge of the window, her hands steadying her bent frame. Really, really bad. Will closed her eyes briefly, in order to mute the sounds of the spectators below. Soon she felt a warmth in the center of her forehead, the place where the angels had blessed her, where Esra blessed her mere moments before death... She leapt forward. Gasps ran around, screams and shouts...then, voices of awe and shock. Some kept quiet, crossing themselves instead.
White feathers danced overhead, the wind carrying them further west. Will, used to summoning her wings now (for she'd been practicing like hell to control her powers) followed the wind. It could have been a hunch, her going this way, but as she neared her destination, her heart seemed to sink into desperation more and more...
+ + +
A temptress...that's what she'd been reduced to?
Nihil was aimed right at her face but he didn't pull the trigger. Only a few seconds... Only one pull of the trigger...and Katarin's soul would've been set free. But the reason the gun was assigned to him, the role he had been endowed, after this shot there would be another, and another, and another... Even though he would set her soul free, what about his? All these years...he'll keep fighting...but for what then?
"Why do you hesitate?" Her china doll face wore a smile of malice. This isn't her, he repeated continuously. This can never be her. The girl's face and body—though aged in the years since the soul was taken and remade—was similar. If Katarin hadn't died too early, this would be what she'd grow into and they could have lived together... If it was so, if fate was ever so kind, their paths would've been different. Instead, they had been separated by decades, centuries, forever in a chase to right the wrong that was stealing a human's soul. And it would all end, right here, right now, if only Esra could pull the damn trigger.
The woman, carefully watching the angel's movements, could sense his strife. She, aware of the soul that kept her artificial body together, thought of how powerful she'd become if this angel's soul was under her possession. Not to mention, the weapon aimed at her. Just the thought of being able to rise in rank... How others would tremble at her presence... She licked her cherry-red lips, one hand close to her side, a small blade held firm under her thumb.
"Stay back!" Esra shouted, finding that his voice began to falter. Both were a couple paces away. Her being so near him was enough to let the years of killing demons fade away to a buzz in the back of his conflicted mind.
"Shoot," she coaxed, "I dare you. Shoot already." She reached with her free hand to the hands holding the gun inches from her face. A spark ran through her fingers, being that the gun was forged for the use of angels only. Or those with access to an angel's soul. She relished at how close she was to having this weapon to herself... Her right hand closed in on the handle of the blade, ready to strike...
"Esra! Look out!"
Katarin snarled, lunging forward with the blade. Esra sidestepped, his wings rising to gain leverage over her swift consecutive slashes. He fired once. Katarin dodged, thin bat-like wings flapping at her sides, taking to the air. Her obsidian eyes glaring at Esra and Will, who had flocked to his side in a hurry. Two angels? How perfect.
"Esra! You're alright! I'm so—"
"You don't belong here. Go home," was his cold reply.
Will tugged on his sleeve, her emerald eyes pleading, "You could've died! Esra, what about your home? Think of what you have, think of... Remember, Esra, please, think of what you gave to me."
"Enough of this!" With her wings close to her body, Katarin rushed towards them, three blades in each of her gloved hands. She threw one. Esra pushed Will away from him in time, the blade caught deep into the ground. Another throw, using the two left in her right, directed it towards Will. Will, still recovering from the strength in Esra's pushing her away, attempted to call forth a shield. But there was no time. She fumbled with the words, closed her eyes, and held her arms over her face.
There was a sound of metal against metal, or something of equal hardness. She winced.
No pain... Will lowered her arms, finding herself in a protective sphere with a distinct shade of blue—the color of Esra's aura. At once, Will was relived, then enraged for not being able to protect herself but also at..."Damn! Esra! Let me out!" The shield was permanent! What the hell? Will pounded against the surface with her fists, her blows making no effect, save for the ripples that resonated throughout the sphere at each strike. At last, she gave up but her hands remained on the sphere's surface. It was warm.
This isn't fair... Will stood, tense, watching Esra defend against Katarin's attacks. She could feel his exhaustion. The sphere reflected his state of mind... The tiny webs that made up the sphere, the warmth that was disappearing under Will's fingers... What could she do?
It was difficult to breathe but as long as she was safe and alive... Bang! The knife was deflected. Bang! The other flew high into the sky. Esra kept his eyes on Katarin's hands, his finger ready on the trigger... She threw. And the last...
"ESRA!"
Bang!
Nihil was aimed right at her face but he didn't pull the trigger. Only a few seconds... Only one pull of the trigger...and Katarin's soul would've been set free. But the reason the gun was assigned to him, the role he had been endowed, after this shot there would be another, and another, and another... Even though he would set her soul free, what about his? All these years...he'll keep fighting...but for what then?
"Why do you hesitate?" Her china doll face wore a smile of malice. This isn't her, he repeated continuously. This can never be her. The girl's face and body—though aged in the years since the soul was taken and remade—was similar. If Katarin hadn't died too early, this would be what she'd grow into and they could have lived together... If it was so, if fate was ever so kind, their paths would've been different. Instead, they had been separated by decades, centuries, forever in a chase to right the wrong that was stealing a human's soul. And it would all end, right here, right now, if only Esra could pull the damn trigger.
The woman, carefully watching the angel's movements, could sense his strife. She, aware of the soul that kept her artificial body together, thought of how powerful she'd become if this angel's soul was under her possession. Not to mention, the weapon aimed at her. Just the thought of being able to rise in rank... How others would tremble at her presence... She licked her cherry-red lips, one hand close to her side, a small blade held firm under her thumb.
"Stay back!" Esra shouted, finding that his voice began to falter. Both were a couple paces away. Her being so near him was enough to let the years of killing demons fade away to a buzz in the back of his conflicted mind.
"Shoot," she coaxed, "I dare you. Shoot already." She reached with her free hand to the hands holding the gun inches from her face. A spark ran through her fingers, being that the gun was forged for the use of angels only. Or those with access to an angel's soul. She relished at how close she was to having this weapon to herself... Her right hand closed in on the handle of the blade, ready to strike...
"Esra! Look out!"
Katarin snarled, lunging forward with the blade. Esra sidestepped, his wings rising to gain leverage over her swift consecutive slashes. He fired once. Katarin dodged, thin bat-like wings flapping at her sides, taking to the air. Her obsidian eyes glaring at Esra and Will, who had flocked to his side in a hurry. Two angels? How perfect.
"Esra! You're alright! I'm so—"
"You don't belong here. Go home," was his cold reply.
Will tugged on his sleeve, her emerald eyes pleading, "You could've died! Esra, what about your home? Think of what you have, think of... Remember, Esra, please, think of what you gave to me."
"Enough of this!" With her wings close to her body, Katarin rushed towards them, three blades in each of her gloved hands. She threw one. Esra pushed Will away from him in time, the blade caught deep into the ground. Another throw, using the two left in her right, directed it towards Will. Will, still recovering from the strength in Esra's pushing her away, attempted to call forth a shield. But there was no time. She fumbled with the words, closed her eyes, and held her arms over her face.
There was a sound of metal against metal, or something of equal hardness. She winced.
No pain... Will lowered her arms, finding herself in a protective sphere with a distinct shade of blue—the color of Esra's aura. At once, Will was relived, then enraged for not being able to protect herself but also at..."Damn! Esra! Let me out!" The shield was permanent! What the hell? Will pounded against the surface with her fists, her blows making no effect, save for the ripples that resonated throughout the sphere at each strike. At last, she gave up but her hands remained on the sphere's surface. It was warm.
This isn't fair... Will stood, tense, watching Esra defend against Katarin's attacks. She could feel his exhaustion. The sphere reflected his state of mind... The tiny webs that made up the sphere, the warmth that was disappearing under Will's fingers... What could she do?
It was difficult to breathe but as long as she was safe and alive... Bang! The knife was deflected. Bang! The other flew high into the sky. Esra kept his eyes on Katarin's hands, his finger ready on the trigger... She threw. And the last...
"ESRA!"
Bang!
+ + +
"Do you think there really is a heaven? When I die, I want to go there."
"Then I want to go too!"
Smiling, she said, "Together. It would be nice to go together wouldn't it? But..."—her head lowered, eyes downcast—"what if one of us dies first? Like if I were..."
It took a while to answer. He wasn't sure on what to say....but as long as they were in the same place, the time didn't have to matter. "Then I'll personally take you there. I'll ask God and his angels to escort you too and then I'll pray every night to make sure you're taken care of. It's easy. And, if I go first, you have to do what I would do."
"Sounds too good to be true... You promise?" Her eyes brightened, if not a little bit. Lately it looked as if she was going to cry any second and the color of her face...
"I swear."
She shook her head. "Don't swear. I wouldn't want to be...a burden...so"—she held up her pinky—"pinky promise me instead Esra. That way, you can move on if you desire to forget me."
The boy pinky swore. "I doubt it."
"No worries," she said, her voice as low as a whisper, "I'm a very easy person to forget."
"Then I want to go too!"
Smiling, she said, "Together. It would be nice to go together wouldn't it? But..."—her head lowered, eyes downcast—"what if one of us dies first? Like if I were..."
It took a while to answer. He wasn't sure on what to say....but as long as they were in the same place, the time didn't have to matter. "Then I'll personally take you there. I'll ask God and his angels to escort you too and then I'll pray every night to make sure you're taken care of. It's easy. And, if I go first, you have to do what I would do."
"Sounds too good to be true... You promise?" Her eyes brightened, if not a little bit. Lately it looked as if she was going to cry any second and the color of her face...
"I swear."
She shook her head. "Don't swear. I wouldn't want to be...a burden...so"—she held up her pinky—"pinky promise me instead Esra. That way, you can move on if you desire to forget me."
The boy pinky swore. "I doubt it."
"No worries," she said, her voice as low as a whisper, "I'm a very easy person to forget."
+ + +
Both combatants fell to the ground.
The sphere holding Will disintegrated.
No, no, no...please, God, no... Esra, please... Will sprinted to his side, kneeling, a hand over her mouth. The dagger was halfway deep into his right shoulder. He was stirring, his eyes blinking rapidly. Will exhaled in relief. Hurt, but not dead...
"Will..." Esra murmured, attempting to sit up straight with his left arm. "Nihil, please." His hand was held out to her. Will, unsure, rose and picked up Nihil that was a meter or so away where Esra lay. The weapon looked light in Esra's hands, but when she had it in her possession, it was heavy as hell. In a second or two, Esra had the gun in his left hand. After, he prompted Will to help get him to his feet.
Together they walked to Katarin, who lay on her side. She held her stomach, ivory skin tinted crimson. Katarin looked at Esra, flashing a bloody smile. Her body was convulsing, foam dripping from the corners of her mouth. She attempted to talk: "Do...you really think...you'll be able to pull the trigger this time?" Her voice was broken, low in tone and pleading. "Is it so wrong"—she gestured with one hand to her heart—"to give life to a lost human soul? Is it?"
"You deny their passage to rest eternally and you've done nothing but cause trouble during your stay, all of you," he said without remorse, "And it's wrong to go against a promise."
She laughed, a dry short laugh that ended in a coughing fit. "You angels...and your morals. If you still want to kill me, go ahead, I can care less. I'm not worried... Do you know why?"—her crazed obsidian eyes looked towards the two, a maniacal smile twisting her blood-drenched lips—"Because I'm an easy person to forget! And, with a pull of the trigger"—she gestured a gun shooting the side of her face—"Bang! Poof! I'm gone."
"What are you getting at?" Will remarked, seeing that Esra was too preoccupied in his thoughts to reply.
"Well? aren't you going to fulfill your promise?" Katarin replied, ignoring Will.
And with that, Esra aimed straight at Katarin's forehead. His whole arm shook however; but, with Will there to assist...
Bang!
Katarin was free. With the seal broken, a sliver of white light appeared as the body disintegrated, it's dust carried away in the wind. The light remained there for a moment, a warmth radiating from it. Will, entranced by it, could hear a faint voice—gathering that she could hear correctly, a girl said 'thank you.' She glanced at Esra, tears overflowing as the soul faded from view. "Finally..." he seemed to say. Their eyes suddenly met.
"What is it?" Will said, surprised. Esra winced as he used his right hand to secure the gun in Will's hand. "Esra...it's over, we can go home now... But why do I get a feeling that there's still more to do?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, his hand over Nihil. The seals on their foreheads illuminated for a brief amount of time. Nihil, in Will's hands, lightened and in that same moment, her mind opened, letting in a century old presence—the spirit of the gun whose name meant 'nothing', the banisher of homunculi like Katarin. Why, this could only mean one thing and Will's eyes widened in realization. Her earlier feeling was right. Esra was going to die. In the midst of Esra's bout with Katarin, she could feel his will weakening...now, with the relinquishing of his weapon, Esra felt farther, drifting... His light was fading.
"My time is over," Esra said, his palms toward the sky.
Will shook her head, hot tears falling fast. Dropping Nihil to the ground, she beat against Esra's chest with her fists, clutching the fabric of his jacket."You can't leave! Stay, stay, please stay... I-I—"
Silence. "Will...I'm...tired...of living like this. All I've known is sorrow and vengeance, pity, grief and shame. All I wish now is rest because what I've done is give false hope and run over people in my conquest for Katarin. Now, that I've realized my purpose, there is none left for me to do but sleep."
She stepped away, trying her best to hide her eyes from him. All along, she'd known, he'd still choose Katarin over her. What she didn't know was that she had to kill him—that was the price so given by Esra himself. She picked up the gun and, without turning to look at him she asked, "What am I to you?"
He was speechless. "Will..."
"Nevermind. That was a stupid question. So this...is goodbye?" Will wiped at her eyes...she couldn't face him like this. "Say something already!"
But he couldn't. He had handed over ownership of Nihil but, though it was small, he was still connected to that grand power. Now that it was in Will's hands, he could feel her sadness, her feelings... But his heart didn't desire to move forward... It was tired. That's all. To spare the girl, he embraced her, his wings creating a warm barrier around them... There he stayed for awhile. She was a frail creature despite her demeanor and it had been awhile since he had last been near a girl who held such feelings for him.
Will clawed at his arms, fighting through the tears. With the best voice she could muster, she said, "She's going to be mad. You unfaithful jerk... Now, let me go, I can't get a good shot of you unless I shoot myself but Nihil tells me I can't do that. It's against the rules—but you already know that."
He did so, reluctantly, and watched the girl stand a step or three away with the gun aimed at his seal.
"So it's goodbye?" she said with a half-hearted smile.
Esra, disposed of the knife embedded in his shoulder, not bothering to show how it hurt so bad... "Goodbye...Willow."
His tone of voice, his face, his eyes...she'll end up remembering him for as long as she held this gun. It...was a cruel punishment and shall remain as so but she had the following centuries to work it out.
Bang!
The sphere holding Will disintegrated.
No, no, no...please, God, no... Esra, please... Will sprinted to his side, kneeling, a hand over her mouth. The dagger was halfway deep into his right shoulder. He was stirring, his eyes blinking rapidly. Will exhaled in relief. Hurt, but not dead...
"Will..." Esra murmured, attempting to sit up straight with his left arm. "Nihil, please." His hand was held out to her. Will, unsure, rose and picked up Nihil that was a meter or so away where Esra lay. The weapon looked light in Esra's hands, but when she had it in her possession, it was heavy as hell. In a second or two, Esra had the gun in his left hand. After, he prompted Will to help get him to his feet.
Together they walked to Katarin, who lay on her side. She held her stomach, ivory skin tinted crimson. Katarin looked at Esra, flashing a bloody smile. Her body was convulsing, foam dripping from the corners of her mouth. She attempted to talk: "Do...you really think...you'll be able to pull the trigger this time?" Her voice was broken, low in tone and pleading. "Is it so wrong"—she gestured with one hand to her heart—"to give life to a lost human soul? Is it?"
"You deny their passage to rest eternally and you've done nothing but cause trouble during your stay, all of you," he said without remorse, "And it's wrong to go against a promise."
She laughed, a dry short laugh that ended in a coughing fit. "You angels...and your morals. If you still want to kill me, go ahead, I can care less. I'm not worried... Do you know why?"—her crazed obsidian eyes looked towards the two, a maniacal smile twisting her blood-drenched lips—"Because I'm an easy person to forget! And, with a pull of the trigger"—she gestured a gun shooting the side of her face—"Bang! Poof! I'm gone."
"What are you getting at?" Will remarked, seeing that Esra was too preoccupied in his thoughts to reply.
"Well? aren't you going to fulfill your promise?" Katarin replied, ignoring Will.
And with that, Esra aimed straight at Katarin's forehead. His whole arm shook however; but, with Will there to assist...
Bang!
Katarin was free. With the seal broken, a sliver of white light appeared as the body disintegrated, it's dust carried away in the wind. The light remained there for a moment, a warmth radiating from it. Will, entranced by it, could hear a faint voice—gathering that she could hear correctly, a girl said 'thank you.' She glanced at Esra, tears overflowing as the soul faded from view. "Finally..." he seemed to say. Their eyes suddenly met.
"What is it?" Will said, surprised. Esra winced as he used his right hand to secure the gun in Will's hand. "Esra...it's over, we can go home now... But why do I get a feeling that there's still more to do?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, his hand over Nihil. The seals on their foreheads illuminated for a brief amount of time. Nihil, in Will's hands, lightened and in that same moment, her mind opened, letting in a century old presence—the spirit of the gun whose name meant 'nothing', the banisher of homunculi like Katarin. Why, this could only mean one thing and Will's eyes widened in realization. Her earlier feeling was right. Esra was going to die. In the midst of Esra's bout with Katarin, she could feel his will weakening...now, with the relinquishing of his weapon, Esra felt farther, drifting... His light was fading.
"My time is over," Esra said, his palms toward the sky.
Will shook her head, hot tears falling fast. Dropping Nihil to the ground, she beat against Esra's chest with her fists, clutching the fabric of his jacket."You can't leave! Stay, stay, please stay... I-I—"
Silence. "Will...I'm...tired...of living like this. All I've known is sorrow and vengeance, pity, grief and shame. All I wish now is rest because what I've done is give false hope and run over people in my conquest for Katarin. Now, that I've realized my purpose, there is none left for me to do but sleep."
She stepped away, trying her best to hide her eyes from him. All along, she'd known, he'd still choose Katarin over her. What she didn't know was that she had to kill him—that was the price so given by Esra himself. She picked up the gun and, without turning to look at him she asked, "What am I to you?"
He was speechless. "Will..."
"Nevermind. That was a stupid question. So this...is goodbye?" Will wiped at her eyes...she couldn't face him like this. "Say something already!"
But he couldn't. He had handed over ownership of Nihil but, though it was small, he was still connected to that grand power. Now that it was in Will's hands, he could feel her sadness, her feelings... But his heart didn't desire to move forward... It was tired. That's all. To spare the girl, he embraced her, his wings creating a warm barrier around them... There he stayed for awhile. She was a frail creature despite her demeanor and it had been awhile since he had last been near a girl who held such feelings for him.
Will clawed at his arms, fighting through the tears. With the best voice she could muster, she said, "She's going to be mad. You unfaithful jerk... Now, let me go, I can't get a good shot of you unless I shoot myself but Nihil tells me I can't do that. It's against the rules—but you already know that."
He did so, reluctantly, and watched the girl stand a step or three away with the gun aimed at his seal.
"So it's goodbye?" she said with a half-hearted smile.
Esra, disposed of the knife embedded in his shoulder, not bothering to show how it hurt so bad... "Goodbye...Willow."
His tone of voice, his face, his eyes...she'll end up remembering him for as long as she held this gun. It...was a cruel punishment and shall remain as so but she had the following centuries to work it out.
Bang!
April 27, 2009 at 5:14 PM
... That was sweet... and sad... and reminded me that the girl who plays Willow married the guy who plays Buffy's "New Watcher." IRL, not in the show.
April 27, 2009 at 6:30 PM
Commenting worked fine.
Clairvoyance is like being a psychic (I think), so... Rune got a negative number because he started out with zero points and got... almost everything wrong.
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