a bundle of wishes, that's what I am
the incarnation of mankind's deepest desires

of carnal lust I am
of hope and love I am
of sorrow and despair I, too, am

a bundle of wishes, that is what some call me
so, to whoever's listening please come set me free

Rest in Peace J.D Salinger

So, in my short to find some funny donut pictures earlier. I found something i thought I'd show for the sake of making a somewhat random post.


...Yeah.

Hullo bloggers, just felt like posting a few words since I'm procrastinating at the moment.

For the next two days I have finals (which I'm not as worried as I should be) and then it's the new semester with new semester classes. It's been wonderfully rainy and windy, though I could without the damp shoes :) Oh and next week on January 31 (Sunday) I'll be going to an Anime Convention - which will be pretty sweet as it's my 1st one >.< It's a wonder how positive this post is compared to everything else. >.> Though it could be all these ants biting here and there that might have had something to do with it.

Yes. The house is being overrun by ants anytime a bit of food is left or maybe even a crumb. It isn't even that the house is terribly messy but more like they're living inside/under the house...much like the unlucky people who get stuck with beehives and have to call an exterminator (which I don't think will happen anytime soon for us so we have to deal with it).

... Well...there is a certain person who should be a bit considerate about food. Especially if it involves onions in refrigerators...uncovered or improperly put away. Sure, there isn't a one "right" way to put away onions but they should be sealed in some way that doesn't let the stink out. I've told them once or twice but it isn't enough. On this blog though, I will say it once.

Do NOT leave onions uncovered in the refrigerator. PLEASE. Put it in a baggie w/ a zipper or use a container like tupperware. If the onions just sit there it'll stink to high heaven, affecting any open drinks or soft foods like bread.

I swear to you bloggers that I had a donut in there I was hoping to save for lunchtime. So when I got it, I noticed the onion stink - which wasn't there before so it was put in when somebody cooked that evening. :| And so, I smelled a bit of onion and thought that it should be okay...but when I took a bite... I was wrong. So terribly terribly wrong.

For the sake of donuts everywhere, do not leave onions hanging out in the fridge. Or outside, in case the ants want'em too.

Hey, it isn't like I'm a little on the chubby side but I prefer my donuts onion-stink free. :U

Finals are coming up and I'm a little anxious, to tell you the truth. And, not to mention, I feel like everything is about to change. The whole week is going to be weird, I just know it.

At the moment, I should be working on what I have to get done by the time the semester's over and on studying too, but, I feel like jotting down a few words to loosen the mind. I really don't want to do anything, it's a three day weekend! But, I have to or else ._.

So here's something for/from the pseudo universe of The Wingless.

Word of caution: Some existentialist-type stuff ahead. o_o Or just psycho-stuff idk.


"Do you believe yourself to be real?"

"Do you think for other people?"

"Do you do things for the sake of yourself?"


The questions they asked me were mere buzzes in the back of my head. I haven't been able to hear ever since I woke up. Even that, I'm not sure of. Maybe, I've been awake the whole time but just haven't realized.


"Am I real? Or am I a fake?"

"It's cold. It's thick. I can't move my hands."

"I see red."


Did I do something wrong? Even though... I'm not sure what wrong is. But I know, that on their faces are the faces of anger and dislike. I don't want to look at them. They make me think of bad things. Negative things... Of the times, the time, when I figured out -

That everybody hates me.


"What is worth? What is a name?"

"My name means nothing. But somehow they found me."

"There's a hundred other people with this name."


But within closed eye, I am able to see, my fabrications of their faces, just like I do with everybody else. People, as you know, wear masks. So I see masks, nothing but masks, and they float around like phantoms. The masks frown at my unwillingness to speak.


"Do you remember the feeling? The smell of smoke..."

"The feeling of deciding another's fate..."

"How it slaked your desire to feel important?"


This voice was empowering. It gave me direction.


"But once isn't enough."

"You cannot be satisfied with one."

"You must take another and another, until your hands overflow with the fates of others -"


It gave me confidence, gave me meaning and truth - that's what I told myself - but inside, I knew, that what I was doing was wrong in the society we live in today. Yet, even then, I asked myself, why should I listen? Why should I follow their rules?

I am nervous. My hands are shaking uncontrollably.

"-and till then will you feel better."

I shake my head. I can hear them shout and scream hateful things at me.

"That is... Until you get the feeling again."

I open my eyes. A heavy hand slammed the desk before me. Upon impact, my eyes were drawn to theirs, thick folds accenting the bridge of the nose, narrowing the eyes. They looked upon me with the eyes of judgment.

"How could you deny what you've already testified?" he asked me, impatient, "And what countless witnesses have already said? Just tell us why. Why did you do it?"

I covered my face to hide those eyes. I knew this would happen, that others would look at me like I didn't belong. Like I truly did something wrong when it was just something I wanted to do. What I felt I had to do. My feelings had to be put into place somehow. I just didn't think that it would end up like this.

Earlier... I said that people had masks. I am not an exception. This particular mask moved according to the tone of the voice and what they said. To me, the mask smiled:

"You can't escape it."

"It's a need, your personal drug. And it cannot go unsatisfied."

"You want to kill. You -"


"-must kill. For the sake of myself I must."

The child before me was not in the right state of mind. Their hands shook, their eyes wild and wide... I pitied this child and what they went through to end up in such a state.

"I...wanted to kill...in order...to feel...real."

"I felt real. I want to be real. I want to exist."

"I wanted to do something that mattered."

I looked at my companion and saw my reaction mirrored in their eyes. Shock and awe. I turned back to the child, shivering in their seat. It was all too fluid to be fake, too smooth to be a ruse.

They looked especially troubled.

"I don't want this," they said quietly, "I don't. I don't want to kill...anymore."


...The pseudo-universe, in my eyes, is crazy. A lot of weird things happen, a lot of deaths, a lot of events having to do with morals and etc. etc. And I'll say that they derive from my experiences and my thoughts...and apparently my art too, as it's being affected by this delightfully f-ed up thinking of mine (as somebody commented personally a few days ago). So I'm going along with it, as you could probably tell.

I've also discovered the wonderful world of 1st person, and how easier it flows on the keyboard. it just so happens that when I write in 3rd person, my head hurts after a while because, with the way it is, my mind has been unable to "sit still" as of late (which is troubling). o_o Some last thoughts...

I think writing a happy ending will be the toughest thing I will ever do (it will happen, just expect the world to end by that time). :)

I don't know what I was thinking but I'm sure I was out of my mind.

No I won't be leaving this blog. I've put my time and thoughts into it and I've gone too far to delete it now.

So...hopefully this shall be a better year (even if only a little bit) in life and creative endeavors.

The 5-shot I posted was something based on my thoughts and...guess what? I finished it. If I can finish that then surely I can finish the other projects I've left laying around.

I won't call this a resolution but I will call it as a goal.

For everyone who still checks back and reads this, thank you. I probably don't show it much in my (presently) negative posts but I truly appreciate blogging communities.

Well, that's about it. I'm supposed to have school in...7 or so hours and I'm totally not thinking about it.

It was a box. A box with many locks. And inside were wondrous treasures, sleeping - waiting, for the owner to call upon them.
These treasures change the world, how you perceive it to be, how you react.

These treasures are what make a person...?

Like an onion skin, your reactions have many layers. There are likes and dislikes. Hates and not hates. Reasons for being and reasons for doing. To believe and have faith... To choose the latter, less desirable but independent road...? Either way, as a person, there is something we abide by.

It gives direction and is affected by how others perceive it as such.

To accept these observations as your 'true belief'... Does that make you a victim to society?

We can't really fly. I know. We all know. We 'fly' through airplanes - technology. - but there is no freedom in that hunk of metal. We are fragile creatures and die easily. We can be picked off like flies.

But we very much want to fly.

We're only human. And in order to 'fly' there's a little something we need.

I awake to the sound of water. It drips from the ceiling, flooding the floor that I lay. It had struck me many times round the eyes. I imagine the water to be very cold.

Above me seem to be prisms of glass. Around me are shards of glass, protruding in a jagged-like fashion. Sure to be dangerous if I ever get near them.

My hand unfurls, revealing the key I had - apparently - held onto for dear life. The embossed surface had pressed deep into my skin, leaving a very annoying itchy pain. I scratched, wondering why everything had a slight blue-ish hue. But I, in my monochrome color scheme - as far as I could see - was unaffected by the blue. I'd imagine me similar to a newspaper cutout on a blue piece of construction paper...


 "Who are you?"





I was at the mercy of the mysterious pain in my chest.



"Who am I? I am you."

In this sleep there was a flower. I saw a blue flower, the rose on the crest. But it wasn't a real flower. No, it was a glass flower.

She said she liked roses.

She said she liked them even with the thorns.

She said it was a beauty that pricked people to teach them that it was only a rose and nothing else. But she cannot help but get caught up in what people defined the rose, the symbol that a rose stood for.

She said too that she liked fairytales.

So she began thinking of her life as a fairytale. And someone, somewhere, will hear this plea and save her from her delusional powerlessness. Yet, she'd refuse the help given even of those whose hearts were captivated by her strange feigned innocence, caused by her ignorant self - the person she thought she wanted to be.

She said that she was insane.

People are driven to tears because of her. They don't know what to think of her, like she doesn't know what to think of herself.

So she stays, cocooned in her shell. A glass flower whose petals shatter so easily, yet grow so fast. Even engulfing the broken pieces, bringing them closer to the sleeping one inside.

She is aware of her present state, yet cannot do anything about it. Her world had gone out of control and she let it. Now it wants to protect her forever, regardless of the outside world and it's whims.


She knows she is weak and wants to be protected.

She knows she can be strong and resilient.

She knows she is cowardly.

She's aware of her delusional self.

She's aware that she rationalizes a lot.


And she just realized that, well, she's made herself incapable of feeling.

It sounds so silly.

She knows that this is only a story.

Don't worry, it is.

A letter came today. It was sealed with a pretty blue wax seal, a rose crest seen only in my own imaginings. I've imagined myself many times receiving a summons of this caliber to some far away town or kingdom and the results were none too desirable. Either I play the role of the Royal Fool or be a debtor for the king. Both ways I am hated and mocked. Both ways I wear some ridiculous humiliating garb that secures my role. There are no gray areas, no wayward paths or holes I can hide. Only, I fulfill the duty set out for me day in and day out.

And I watch myself live out a miserable existence, fantasy world or not. I've seen myself do so many times, thus, making me even more unhappy with my present situation - which can only be described as a blur, a gap in time, my time.

But it arrived so abruptly, this letter, disturbing the bland daily life I live. Monochrome and silent. Mouths move but no words are heard, for everyone has deaf ears. Save me, who sees nothing but this grayness, blandness, and I feel... I feel... Well, I feel absolutely nothing. What I touch, what I see, everything that should have some sensory-related response does not perform as it should.

I can walk on solid ground because I think of solid ground. And everything I 'touch' is like touching air because I thought of touching 'air'. The grayness around me is possible because I've eliminated - repressed - all the drops and bits and splashes of color I thought I didn't want.

But now I want it back.

And I got this letter in return.

The blue rose letter I've seen so often in my dreaming.

The blue rose letter that has so often led me onto the path of a capricious, authority abiding, submissive fool.

Yet it guarantees my salvation.

I've stared long enough at what I held in my hands. I bit my lip, breaking the seal as I lift the flap of the envelope. It suddenly felt heavy.

But first, what happened around me, the monochrome began to blur. The house I crafted from my thoughts slowly disintegrated, like a wisp of smoke. And though the 'solid ground' had disappeared, I had yet to fall into this devastating blackness - the result of repressing the colors I once held dear.

I proceed to remove the item in the envelope. It was an ancient key, designed after the windows in the cathedrals I liked so much, the ones in the pictures of the place in Europe I've always wanted to go to. In other words, an antique.

The envelope disappeared, burst into blue flames right before my eyes as I fell upon the ground clutching my suddenly pounding chest.

Burning, no, agonizing pain - I felt - was pushing against the bones under the skin. Breathing is hard. Seeing is hard. tears were spilling out like raindrops. And the thunder - my voice - echoed loud around me.

I closed my eyes to this pain, this noise, found that it simmered to a low thrumming - similar to a hummingbird beating it's wings until... There was peace.

It was a box. A box with many locks. And inside were wondrous treasures, sleeping - waiting, for the day when light shines upon them once more. These treasures were quite capable of changing the world. Aware of the dangers, the horrors that could be, that might occur, there was no satisfying the curiosity that pricked this tired mind like needles.

What I've been dreading for this year and half of the next -- because I get out of school in June -- is that I'll never see the people whom I've hung out with (and just now as well)...but there are other worries that I need to document.

This is officially a vent as this has been something on my mind as of late --

I know that life will go on and all sorts of things but life sucks...a lot. Especially when you're not 18 and your parent insists that they hold your hand all the way, bribing you with the benefits of a job they have and the companionship of a woman whom I probably should despise...for being six years older than me...and being married to said parent. :|

I'm having my doubts people -- about that union (that's already documented and official) -- and it made me realize how much of a skeptic I am, or have grown to be.


As kids we listened and did as told. If there was something that caught our eye on the flashing picture square with little people in it (a.k.a the tv) we emulated them, or their likeness. And we thought nothing of it. it was just something we did and thought was right or felt good. That blindness, to the consequences, was something only a kid could do since they haven't quite developed their moral system. Someone had to do it for them, until they could think for themselves. Of my childhood I'll tell you this much:

1) I dressed up as a little princess and held a little party when the dad was away at work. The entree served was no entree but a tray of hastily mixed Quik mix. We gathered in my brother's room (one was living with us that time) and listened to the music of the game he was playing in the other room via receiver and radio. He was notably annoyed. When the time came for the dad to come home, I pushed my guests out the back door while I rushed out the front door, hid behind a dumpster, and (like a stalker) watched him walk from his car to the front door of the apartment. I don't know till this day whether he saw me or not (I was wearing a pink Cinderella dress after all -- it was for a life size barbie).

2) I put a chicken egg -- the ones from the carton -- under a bird plush toy to see if it would hatch. There was even a nest I made of cotton balls. I honestly thought a chick would hatch. When a considerable amount of time passed, I was impatient and cracked the egg open. I noted the white embryo and said that a chick was going to hatch from the egg eventually! If only there was more time... haha of couse not. I was so optimistic about it too.

3) There was a time when a brother and I made a dollhouse (a simple blocky two story one) out of yugioh cards, paper and tape. The windows were saran wrap covered squares and the carpet was some thin spongy stuff that was used to keep decorative objects in place on a slippery surface. Beds were the tops of small boxes stuffed with cotton and the pillows were the round things in jewelry cases to put rings in. The characters we used for this house (and even for chess and a tactics RPG like game) were little toys and figurines, like a mini Pikachu and even a little troll thingy with the hair standing up...among other knick knacks. The toys were leftovers of a very present-filled Christmas. I don't remember the little details of the house now, like how the hell lights were incorporated into that thing but lights were there. Too bad that it was destroyed (probably by him or by the mom, not sure, I don't want to ask). The time spent with this house was time spent away from the mom, who pretty much dominated the house. It was an escape when the video games were taken away.

Of the things I tend to remember from those years were negative visions of my mom (and dad, but mostly my mom) and the embarrasing moments that bring shame to me. I barely remember the fun things. It's always the bad things.

I've tried to think of something else, or not think about it at all, but when the subject comes as to how my life was basically screwed over and turned into a confusing living hell...well, I blame the mom. Then I blame myself because I blame someone who was going through some problems that I could never comprehend (but did she have to resort to hitting their kids or unusually punishing them for miniscule things?). Why am I doing this in the first place? Why should I think of my past if it bars me from moving forward? Living in the present...whatever happened to that?

What I've been asking myself... is this:

"What am I guilty for?"

I do not cling to faith. I am a skeptic.  I trust very little but have a love for mankind and their advances. I also despise mankind for their flaws. It balances each other out. I believe that we are delusional in the sense that we give things, objects, ideas more meaning than they should have. And we blindly go along with it. I disagree with logic being rationalized by untouchable things, so demonstrated by math and lab science.

"What are numbers? What are particles?" I know particales are what makes us but we have to imagine that they're there UNLESS you have the tehnology to see them. As for numbers...well...I have nothing for that. Putting that aside, it teaches you to think logically and that certain things have certain answers, guaranteed answers probably, but that's just me theorizing.

Anywho, though I like what life has to offer (if you're willing to keep with the program) I don't see the point in it if we die and rot in the ground (or are burned to smithereens if you so prefer). (That's why people have "faith" for).

Isn't that called nihilism?

I don't agree with that too.

There is a point in life and that point is what you make it out to be. Your actions do do something to you and other people.

There's another -ism for this but I can't recall it now.

...
..
.
.
.

Vent aside. Ideas are abstract (and I prefer abstract ideas). But it'll kill you. It isn't real. You can't touch abstract ideas. You can keep creating it on and on and on and it'll never end. People will take whatever idea there is, from whatever source -- it doesn't matter -- and morph it to whatever they Will it to be. In a way, we are our own Gods. We govern our life and whatever path we take. We judge others and they judge us...to name a few. If it's so, there isn't any point to wallow in abstractions (to wallow in a false reality -- in our past since it exists in fragments of memory).

So...

Live.

Whatever happens happens -- just let it be and deal with it however your able with whatever you're already supplied with.

...but it doesn't mean that real life attachments can't "kill" you either.

It's all just a matter of time.

Just saying *shrugs*

First things first...

I put the word verification on...again after receiving spam comments that linked to porn sites. That is not okay with me at all. :| So, word verification for now (I don't like it myself) but it's working. I haven't been having spam as of late so I'm content. Someday, the WV will go away. Hell, I might take it off after this post to see if they post spam again -- shall report on that later.

Second...

It's really really cold in California and I could never be more happier about it, if only it wasn't a nuisance to bundle up in two sweaters and gloves -- it's even more annoying when you're walking and your ear phones fall off every so and so number of steps (because I walk home everyday and I walk very fast). My fingers feel like they're going to fall off every time I take off the gloves...and that the wind is mad at me since it's practically lashing out at my face :| Haha, what a bad joke. ^^

Thirdly...

I'm feeling somewhat better about the whole split persona thing. Turns out, I'm just delusional :D no, no, it's just me being confused and anxious. I'm not sure what about but it is confusion that's for sure. No point in me whining about it, but there are times where I can't help but do something because it bugs me.

For example today, in Art class, two people had to clean up after the whole table. We were working with water-based clay so there was residue that dried onto the table top. This was to be cleaned with sponges. Basically the girl who cleaned my side of the table did not do such a good job as the sponge was barely even wet so the residue was spread around in circles pretty much. And this was a black table so it was bad...like snail trails.

I litereally felt my eye twitching as it dried and, not wanting to lash out at the girl since she didn't want to do it in the first place, I got up and attempted to clean it. I cleaned it enough to make it less of an eyesore but it was not enough. My fingers were twitching then. Nervous habit. >> I couldn't even look at the other people at the table.

I guess I'm one of those people that have to have things in a certain way or else they won't function "right." It doesn't happen a lot though, only because there haven't been instances on this particular scale that happened before so I can't  know for sure. (Or maybe I'll never know).

Fourth...

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories for the Wii is...a MASTERPIECE (for a game). :)

My god, I finished it last night and I cried (I got the good ending, I believe). The Silent Hill franchise rocks dammit. It just does. Sucks though that the main and most awesome composer ever resigned from the company, Konami, so there probably won't be any more SH games (just maybe). Whatever he goes out to do, the best of luck to him.

IMO, this is pretty biased since I'm a fan but, oh well. This is the interwebs after all. :)



download link

^ Just one of my favorite songs to listen to at the moment (I'm going to find a way to rip the soundtrack instead since I have it and all so I can share it with you blogging people).

Fifth...

I'm working on reviving Little Miss Murder. As well as something totally unrelated (but as more of a stress reliever).

I had some plans for that story, even though it is experimental in regards to story telling and something I did in my spare time. Mmm... I'm not too confident about the next chapter because of me being too technical with my writing lately so it reads out to be a bit cluttered (darn essays :) ) rather than smoothly as one would read a narrative. (Honestly now, since when did my narratives "flow?" I'm really not sure what expect from my writing. So far, I'm assuming that to be my style -- unorthodox -- since I can't plant my butt on a chair long enough focussing on one sing;e thing.) Blog posts are different since my mind is able to wander...like now.

I'll be looking over it some more before I make it official.

Sixth...

Winter break is coming up and it's going to be...cool (another pun?) My brothers will be coming over to visit and it'll be a videogame filled two weeks. That's going to be fun. :)

Also, I'm making a cookie pizza to bring for a potluck in Anatomy next Friday. Half chocolate chip and half sugar cookie. I'm not sure how that's going to taste/turn out but if it does, I'll make some mention of it...with pictures.

(I'm most likely going to write a one-shot about this later)

It's disturbing actually. In it, I was running away from the dark but I couldn't since it was everywhere and everything. Even if it was light out, there was always a way for the darkness to follow and scare me.

Put's a whole new context to someone afraid of their shadow...I guess.

Anyway, this is absolute nonsense. I can't stop thinking about it though. Everytime I have to go outside either it be the hallway or the restroom...anywhere! It..just creeps me out (creeps us all out) since whatever the hell is scaring me all the time is me (or another me, the me I don't want to remember because almost everyone I knew when I was that old me associated me with a certain scary movie that I absolutely can't stand).

It's ironic that I like scaring people (or surprising them in a way).

Haha, so I'm scaring myself. Karma, much? (Man, I'm screwed :p )

Argh, I'm so stupid sometimes. Who knows, my personas may stem from my immaturity and aren't really "real" and is my excuse to "relive my childhood." There's a lot of possibilities. Me being a delusional SoB is one of them.

Mother dear I saw a falling star
To-night I wished with all my heart
That you vanish forever


     Father dear I saw a falling star
     To-night I wished with all my heart
     That you are smashed into tiny pieces


          Brother dear I saw a falling star
          To-night I wished with all my heart
          That you rot from the inside out (to feed the insects, you see)


     Sister dear I saw a falling star
     (And what a marvelous sight)
     To-night I wished with all my heart
      That you live a thousand years before you return to dust


Ah me, did we tell ourselves that we saw a falling star?
(It streaked across the black in a slow gait -- was it even a star at all?)
To-night I wished with all my heart
That I die the most horrible death, for wishing the most vile things of people around me.


     I do not deserve to live
    (but I'm still here no matter how many times I wish I was not).

To get that cosplay post out of the way...

How is everybody?

Just last week, first quarter ended so we had to rush on tests and the like. Surprisingly, I think I did pretty well, but you know how hoping goes (that later on you did worse than you thought). Then, three weeks later, right before Thanksgiving break (a week long break - huzzah!) we'll have a district assessment (and the three weeks after that and so on... I believe I've ranted about this before...if so, sorry for being repetitive). All in all, I'm not partial to tests.

To tell you the truth, there have been times where I could have blogged about something...but I chose not to (stupid me). I really should try to blog more...


The reason I haven't been blogging are two things: school and video games.

School is self-explanatory. This is my last year, everything has to be in order to graduate. This enables the imaginary Stress-o-Meter in my brain to rise, rise, rise...almost enough that the meter is at it's breaking point. Playing games helps, but that means less time for drawing and writing (well, I can't really say writing since I've been writing random ballads and poems, with some related to a particular story etc.).

I feel like I should delve more into the games I'm playing so I might do a post on that since I just finished playing Fire Emblem : Shadow Dragon. :| A loooot of things I want to rant about that...but that's my gamer side talking. :D He's angry, he's German, he's a gamer and he likes Crunch bars!/bad inside joke.

This could just be another figment of my imagination since childhood. The personalities I mean. Talking to yourself doesn't mean that there's another you, nor does it mean that you're crazy (doesn't it?).

Anyway, now you know why I'm anti-social (haha). I'll introduce you to these de-lightful people later when I figure out why they're here in the first place (and the reason besides, "They're here because I believe they're here."). Well, I'm off to be my own psychologist since there is no time (or money) to see a professional one.

Sorry if my first post back is a bit on the negative side.

I can't remember when I last posted something not writing-related...

Well, school is going along okay. Also, I have been getting into poetry lately (because we're reading Beowulf in class) and that's certainly interesting. A lot of papers have accumulated since I wrote my first lyric poem and am thinking of getting a separate binder to put them in, instead of cramming it down notebook sleeves.

Here's some news: I'm going to be 17 next Saturday and I'm not sure whether I should be excited or...not excited. It's only a number but I'll be that much closer to being seen and accounted for as an adult (as it so happens, it's likely I'll have to buy insurance for myself soon - give or take several years since I plan to go to some college). And...frankly... I'm not liking that. Only because I'm still undecided as to what I want to do, well, I am (somewhat), but it seems more like a dream to me (by that I mean to draw or become an illustrator of some sort).

So yeah... I'm pretty anxious about it and no matter how much I try to not think about the future - just all the possibilities and all - I can't (or I obsess about how much I can't suppress the fact that I am worried).

But, to go to a lighter topic, Halloween is on a Saturday this year! I plan to dress up and possibly take pictures! After weeks of thought it's official that I'll be cosplaying this year as...



I watched the anime and loved it. I'm planning to read the manga soon since the manga is always better and is much longer than the animation.

Anywho... It's going to be my first time cosplaying (though I doubt I'll be going to an anime convention anytime soon - b/c it's a given that people will recognize you and stuff which makes dressing up more enjoyable since you're around fellow fans).

Unlike some amazing people out there who make their own costumes I have to go shopping for the pieces - I've even changed the costume up a bit so it fits my body type. In the cosplaying world (yes, I've about googled my fill about this subject) specific details are a plus BUT because of my height - and the nature of his clothes (a bit loose up top since his body type - like most anime characters - is impossibly small and lean) I'm sure it'll look awkward if I had gray trousers with an oversized jacket. If it's anything, I've changed those trousers to somewhat short shorts and hopefully knee-length socks (or higher). So, it would almost be like the female version of him but also not because of this picture...


...yep.

Shopping around - got to keep to a budget you know? - is going to be a pain because I've made it mandatory on myself to assemble the pieces I already got/have (sweater, dress shirt) with the ones I need to see if it fits with everything else... I'm just wondering how I'm going to sneak the shoes in... >.>

In hopes of moving on from me talking about my costume it's a decent anime about modern ninjas. Way, way shorter than the ever-so popular Naruto and ten times more emotional.

And just mentioning emotional, I must mention as well that I cried (hence why I'm a fan).

All in all I liked it but it's not for everybody (like...boys for example because shounen-ai is hinted - boy's love - even though it isn't like that >.> well, not in my mind...not sure about everyone else).

Maybe it has a lot to do with a woman being the creator/ artist? (b/c it has that emotional element to it that's kind of downplayed in regular shonen stories).

What else to mention...?

Oh, I know it's autumn and all (hooray) but my room is still stupidly hot (and I'm not partial to heat). So I've been camping up in the parent's bedroom since it's much cooler - and I said this to explain why I haven't been on the computer much...at all.) I have been online for special instances however, like school stuff and updating my fictionpress account - just throwing it out there /fail

Right now, if it came up, I'm using my dad's laptop so thank it people because it made this post possible xD...and Kanye bites donkey-butt for his remark (now he's a meme - lol - but some people disagree it seems:)

From: urlesque

Yo, Kanye, I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but LOLcats had the best internet meme of all time! Oh, AND, Rick Astley is never gonna give you up!

by:// pepper - Sep 15th 2009

xD Anyway, I hope everyone's doing well - I can see you're all posting though! I wish I had some time to look over them but I have to get to work on homework - my anatomy class is oh so tedious (tons of notes, tons of drawings to go with the notes, and review questions that number to approximately 3 to 4 pairs of hands...at least!).

Okay...now back to looking up info on Beowulf for that essay...

K.WEST: YO, LAELAH, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH BUT GILGAMESH WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST EPICS OF ALL TIME!!

... /phael

Memes are hilarious.

...A short using some characters from "Ephemeral Wings"




“Sarra,” someone said to the blonde, “sometimes you can't see what's in front of you if you don't open your eyes.”

“What? I can see just fine, thank you... Have you seen this yet?” She gestured to the side of the rickety carriage, her outstretched fingers catching every bit of the seaside air. “It's so blue...and vast! Though, I wonder what's beyond that horizon... When the sun sets, where does he go?”

“He?”

“Sharem, a sparkling angel, the angel of the setting sun...” She sat back, clutching her cloak about her, shivering.

After awhile, they queried, “What are your thoughts on heaven? I'd like to know.”

A smile graced her pale thin lips. “It's a warm place, a wonderful place where there is no suffering. A place where you go when you're tired.”

Curiously, they asked, “Are you tired?”

“No. Just sleepy. We've been on the road for three days, feels like we haven't gone anywhere though...”

“And...?”

“Except seeing the ocean again of course. This is the second time I've seen it... The first time. I remember being so afraid. It was, in truth, a very black day. Because of our born abilities we were pursued and imprisoned, sold. A few years passed during my imprisonment when the forces of the kingdom were torn asunder.” She paused. “Just think... Fighting your own people, how would that feel? Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that we were released but our escape wasn't easy. In those changed men's eyes was a dark power – I remember, someone I cared for very much tried to reason with one of the soldiers and the end result was his life. But it was also that same day when I was finally free. Meeting these kind people, these wanderers that took me in, I was so happy that I knelt and kissed the earth... Can you imagine it? A damp taste that lingers on your lips, the redeeming taste of rain and fresh soil – that was true freedom.

I do hope that he found that warm place. When I tire I want to see him there. It wouldn't be the same without him, plus, we made a bet.”

“Are you sure this friend wasn't a cheat?”

“He would kill you for saying that. No really! I mean, sure he gambled, but it was for entertainment... I'm positive.”

“Doesn't sound like it. Tell me about your friend then. The destination is still far off. We have plenty of time.”

“You sure are a curious stranger. I don't even know your name, nor have you shown your face. I don't see why I should tell you about him.”

The said stranger reached into the folds of his cloak. “Sure are a picky woman... Fine. Why don't we make a bet. Heads or tails. Tails, I'll tell you my name. Heads, you tell me about your friend. Ready – ”

“Wait! If it's Tails you have to show me your face. You can give me a fake name if you wanted to.”

“Heh. Smart move. Fine. Tails, I show you my face – ”

With the flick of a thumb, the coin spun high in the air. Sarra caught the gleam of silver, watched the stranger's confidant hands catch the coin and flip it face-down. How...familiar it all was.

“What is it?” Sarra managed a breath, a puff of air materializing in front of her. The stranger failed to move, sitting as still as a statue, hand clasped over the coin. “What's wrong?” she asked, suddenly aware of the ever lowering temperature.

“... Sometimes you have to open your eyes,” they said, “because you close them without knowing at times. It's a reflex of your conscience.” The stranger held out his clasped hands. “Will you risk it all on this one coin-flip?”

“What am I risking?”

“That is not mine to answer.”

The carriage shook violently. The once calm waves violently crashed onto shore, foam rising up and down the sand, engulfing any living creature. Thunder and lightning, like cymbals, roared in the heavens – signaling the coming of a grand maelstrom. Sarra peered outside, struck dumb by the weather, the suddenly dark atmosphere and the flag waving far down the road.

“Open your eyes,” the stranger said but she paid them no attention.

The flag was carried by soldiers on horseback – similar to those she had recalled not to long ago. Pairs of red eyes flashed through dark stained helmets, an acrid smell was approaching fast – iron and gunpowder. Loosening her grip in absolute terror, her cloak was torn from her body by the vicious winds. Lightning flashed quick, transforming the burgundy cloak to a bright glistening red –

Sarra...

“Have you found your answer?”

Are you alright?

The soldiers were mere meters from the carriage. She turned to find the stranger's hands open already.

Sarra...

“You said this was my decision – ”

“You decide too slow.”

“But still, you said – ”

“Crybaby. It's simple.” – he tossed the coin to her – “I cheat.”

With that, the stranger leapt into the maelstrom –

Hey...

Sarra...

Hello?

Wake up sleepyhead!

...

“She sure likes to sleep in...”

“Tell me about it...”

It was bright. Instinctively she covered her face with her hands. Instantly she felt a warm spot on her cheek. Blinking, it slid as she turned her body, pushing away the blankets.

“What is that?”

“Sarra?”

She paused, absorbing whatever information she could get from her dream... Delicately she held the coin in the sun, looking at it skeptically as though it might disappear any second.

“Sarra...Are you alright?”

Her voice was soft, on the verge of tears, “Tails... Double. I won.”