I began thinking about this around this morning...it wasn't really a dream but I started contemplating this idea just before starting my day. Its kind of connected with how I've been feeling as of late. ^_^''

The White Room

Solitude. This is what solitude looks like: a grand space of a room with nothing else but blank walls and me...but it isn't a bedroom nor the house I've known for many years of my life but rather me. The inner me, everything that makes up my self, yet, why is it white and why am I lying here? Its freezing and there is nothing to keep me warm except this nightgown and these tears.

'Why am I here? Is this truly how I am?' I think to myself 'A room full of nothingness. Solitude...but the color is white. What is white? It is the opposite of black. Black, which is technically not a color but rather the absence of color. And white is the combination of all colors. So maybe my case is this: If this room represents who I am then I don't have nothingness but everything I need already but is too pre-occupied with current thoughts that I haven't been able to see that. Whilst pursuing ambition everything else disappears and I am left wondering what happened? and that is what causes my state of misery.' A black feather. I see a black feather, then another and another. It's raining feathers now. I take one into my hands and smile, 'this black is different though.'

It's an epiphany I tell you!

I'm just going to write on what I remember about this. But I'll pre-analyze it due to it being on my mind at the moment.

This dream is sort of based on a desire I had or the idea I had about relationships. So what makes a good relationship? I'm not sure but, considering the person I am, I'd want stability and an understanding person to be with. Keep in mind that these ideas tend to derive from old customs and I am, in some way, pretty old fashioned which ironically isn't what a teenager is supposed to be? Well anyways, the dream embodies this idea: the want of a traditional-valued person to break tradition in order to pursue their own desire but is to afraid to do so--thus, the want of a person who is able to take them from tradition and into the current world.

I hope I got that idea right. In simplified teenager means: good girl meets bad boy-- lollmaorofl (I think thats pretty understandable right?)

I'll narrate this as well.

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The world outside is a cruel place, or so I hear. It happened not long ago when we, the community who had lived on the surface were forced to hide from the outside. Since then, we've made this abandoned complex our home--our place that is also hidden from the world. With only a few openings that let in the air from the outside and a stairwell that leads to the top of a skyscraper where there is no safe way down from the top of the building. (the complex we live in is seemingly buried underground, the skyscraper protruding from the ground) It had only been a few days since the incident but already our ideals have changed from escaping to staying in.

Constantly, I 'd hear that we already have everything we need and don't need the outside world anymore. And that was true but what about us? The teenagers and young adults who were used to the outside already? And, in fact, would rather be? They were the ones who desired the outside and tried to escape but have failed in their attempts--of course, now they're dead.

However, I'm not one of them. I'd rather stay inside and help the ones trying to find the right necessities for the rest of us to live off of--because this complex was a big place and used to be a mall or shopping center of some kind, or so it looked like. There were some rooms where it turned primitive instead of modern type rooms. This one room I remember, I almost got crushed by a huge round boulder--like those in the adventure-type movies. But, I would've gotten crushed if--well, if I wasn't saved by somebody.

He wasn't like all of us, wanting to stay huddled inside. Instead he wanted the fresh air outside--and even told us, me especially, that the outside was a better place now as well as he visited the outside at least one time. Of course, he wasn't given any attention but I somehow wanted to believe in his words-- no matter what my family said about him or what the others said. It was simply a desire--and I never knew that I could feel this way. And since I stayed with him for a long time and actually learned about him I finally took a chance and decided to go along with him to the outside world. Sure it was a risk, but it was one I was willing to take because, that'd mean that I would have to forsake my tradition--or at least the ideals of the people who lived in the underground.

As we went through the snake-like passage ways I could feel a burst of excitement. He said to me as we were running, "I think you'll like this place." That only made me even more excited so we ran even faster. Soon we did reach the outside. It was more dark and forest-like almost, also like a dimly lit neighborhood with trash strewn everywhere. As I would run out of breath, and eventually I did causing my pace to slow down, he took my wrist and implied that I run faster. "You don't want to fall behind," he said, "you don't want to get caught either." (the scene changes pretty fast here) We ducked behind a couch, he motioned for two others (some people that were trailing us it seemed like) to come closer in silence. I looked above the couch and there were people eating at a dining table. These people were my family members--and the whole table was quiet. I looked at him and he motioned for quiet. Then, he pointed at a square on the floor nearby. He let go of my wrist and went over to the square, pulled it from the floor and gestured for us to go inside. We all did and, as he was last, made sure to close the entrance behind him. He took my hand this time as he pointed to a building a few meters away. "That's the place" he said, "its kind of a secret...and its practically deserted since that time."

The place really was deserted and looked run-down from the outside. By the way, which was really cold. Before going inside though, b/c trash was blocking the entrance, we had to move some and eventually we went inside. The two trailers stayed outside, 'to keep watch' they said.

Despite the outside look of the building, the inside was a different story. (the details here are foggy) It was certainly a change of pace from the underground complex though. Suddenly, it began to shake and we had to escape somehow. There was something that went terribly wrong it seemed like--we never got to find out but the entrance was starting to cave in. (I can't remember why though) But, just in time, the two outside dug us out and we suddenly had to run back to the underground complex. (this part was rushed, I was about to wake up then it seemed like)

Daylight was reaching the building. Of course, the two of us made it but I don't know about the other two. We found ourselves climbing up the stairs that led to the top of the skyscraper. "That was close," he said, while smoking a cigarette. I was still excited about the previous events and even said to him, "That was fun, truly it was. We should do that again sometime." He seemed happy when I said that and I was happy on my own accord as I rushed up the stairs. Then he grabbed my wrist, I stopped.

I said, "Whats wrong?"

(This is how the dream ended, I swear *is embarrassed to even type this out*)


From that, he pulled me closer and kissed me on the stairwell. He let me go right after, taking another inhale from the cigarette and said while walking up the steps: " I bet you've never seen the sun in a while haven't you?"

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And that is where the dream ends. This dream actually, and probably was, the driving force of a story I had in mind. I've written only little about it but its a story similar to this. I've yet to think of a proper title for it, nor a decent summary but its hard b/c I chose an actual place to place the story in. (and that's pretty tough b/c I need to learn more of the place before I actually write about it-- has anyone heard of the Valentine's Day Massacre? anybody? I was thinking of putting the story there once I saw half of the movie Some Like it Hot <--- which is a funny movie; its lol-worthy so watch it! )

So, yep, another strange dream but its a somewhat modern concept. I think I understand on why an underground complex though in the beginning and the skyscraper in the end. Now that I think about it this is a pretty decent dream! *is proud of dreaming of weird things* Though its more metaphoric on some points or some symbolism there-- which may give people a hard time understanding it...or not understanding it at all.

Hmm, that'll be all about this dream--though I'm not sure why a huge boulder too (like the Indiana Jones kind of boulders) but I think I understand on the concept of being crushed by a boulder. Considering the dream itself I think that if the girl were to stay in the building (b/c she was on the verge staying in/ to going out ) The ideal of staying in would've crushed her former self and becoming into what she did not want to be. I think thats that what that meant.

So people, I hope this dream has some meaning. (and blogging has never been more exciting XD )

This isn't much news but I still haven't been able to draw much. Although I did post that last night but still, after a couple of hours of sleep I still haven't restored that drive to draw anymore. Though my plans for the comic is kind of ruined I don't know if I should go through with it now at all. I'm still thinking about it but that won't stop me from finishing the script and several goodies for the story.

Also, with no particular title in mind for this update I chose what is happening to me right now. (so yes my lip is bleeding at the moment and I hate the taste of blood in the afternoon, its like copper) Hmm...have I had any dreams lately? Not that I remember but I still remember some dreams I had in the past.

Here are some dreams that I've classified over the past years--they're re-occuring so thats why I name them this way:

The Earthquake Dream
The Alice Dream
The Underground Escape Dream

There are several more but these are the ones I remember or vaguely remember. I think I'll write about them soon--in fact, maybe I will. *off to blog some more*

After falling asleep I had a dream that was as familiar as an old friend. That kind of feeling. I know I've had that dream before. Then again, I've had a lot of dreams like that, this is just one of them.

This one is called the Earthquake dream b/c, well, its associated with earthquakes. It seemed like a movie to me although there were real feeling involved. Instead, when one would watch a movie, they actually feel what was going on. The sting of the night air, the ground shaking, the various shouts and screams of people and even the gunshots and windows crashing. You could hear and feel them all. So...lets see, the dream went like...(I'll try to narrate it as if a short story)

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Is this what you would call a normal night? I don't know, it seems the shaking shatters that conception. Before I knew it the ceiling above me had already began to quiver and the garage door flailing wildly about. I stood right behind this debating whether to stay the inside of my collapsing home or head into the fray that was the night--home to many flocking people and also to those who have bad intent. I chose the outside and swerved just in time for the garage door to miss me--which would have been a fatal blow.

So it was, nighttime, and I followed a bunch of people I didn't know--running with them amongst the shaking ground. Soon, instead of the neighborhood I've known for six or so years, the setting changes to that of a landscape like that of a small city...and a building with regal, presidential like stature--whose back was like that of an apartment complex-- was the so-called safe haven we, the group of people, had been looking for.

I still ran with them and also shared their rush for worry once we descended those apartment like stairs--the desire of fleeing from the earthquake still fresh in us. Although the ground had stopped shaking once this new scenery was introduced. So we did descend those stairs and ended up into that regal part of the building. There were many a long stair and the group was tired but we suddenly had to run back up once...well, we were spotted by these Secret Service Type guys. And...they also had guns with the intent of shooting.

So we ran faster up the stairs and made a turn, only finding another stair descending--which we thought was the way out...but it wasn't, we just came up in the same place all over again and the SS people were closing in. And, somehow someway we became trapped between those staircases, guns pointing at us. When suddenly a teenage boy--somewhat 16-17 or even 18-- comes up with the intent of distracting the SS in order to save another.

The group then saw the guns point at him and made their way out--and we finally did this time--this time we ended up outside that building. But on the way we heard glass smash--and the woman, whom the boy wanted to save, began to blame herself for she thought that he had died when in actuality...he lived by jumping through the window.

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That is when the dream ends for me. I'm trying to type this from what I remember. I think I found the meaning of this dream already while typing. :D Which saves me a lot of thinking on its own but I'm glad I found it...now for that Alice dream...

Okay, the meaning. Pretty much it does concern my current life and that I have to face the music and take a stand for myself. Currently, I'm afraid to do something like that--so the shaky ground kind of represents my doubts. If I were to go with the flow and just do what I do (in this case run towards a solution) then the problem would resolve itself. And, with the way I think, I think that I might be doing something wrong if I were to do the right thing--when in actuality it would only fix the problem rather than add to it. The re-occurring stair-cases symbolize my overlapping and repeating doubts about whether to do the right thing. Hmm, I'm not sure where this going but now I know what I should do.

Well, I'm off to face the music. Maybe I'll come out okay just like the boy who rushed through the glass.