These wings aren't really here, they're just the trick of the light.
Showing posts with label Tired but content with a dash of insanity. Show all posts

Midnight

2:02 AM
I'm going to make an effort to post a little bit more. If not about me then about something else.

Who knows, I might start a spontaneous one-shot.   

Midnight  

Of day and night you change to a person you don't want to be. 
Sad, for there is no reprieve, nor is there any exit as far as you can see.

Come toll, the midnight bell
Signal the change thou cannot quell

A person otherworldly brought on by delusion; an imaginary scene
Of whom vowed to protect thee, a promise made as if in a dream

Toll, toll, the midnight bell sings
A presence unwanted and wanted, but out it careens

Living among us in the everlasting world
Of delusions and illusions, as real as real can be
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In which I talk like a pompous dolt.

4:01 PM

I keep springing these cat photos don't I? On the next post I'll try not to place a cat photo - note I said try.

Another break - again - since all I seem to do with my free time is watch Comedy Central (it's one of the few channels available for some reason) and write. Okay, so maybe I read here and there and do other human stuff - but, nevertheless, it is somewhat boring (when I put it this way).

Despite my mind wandering off into the various worlds on paper/monitor, there isn't a lot I can say/show before people freak out.

Act 1 -
In which I answer the question honestly.

"So what did you do this weekend?"
"Hmm, let's see. First I interviewed a psychopathic serial killer. Then I killed some people after breaking into their houses at, what, 3-4 am - can't remember - anyway, chopped the kid up, sewed'em back together... Ehh. Let's see, what else? Oh! I also managed to go to the airport, get seriously bored, troubled, then board the plane -"
"... What?"
"The plane thing? Oh I'm trying, honestly, but my handwriting's crap - can't read a thing..."
They leave.

Act 2 -
In which I give myself less credit and answer in half-truths.

"So what did you do this weekend?"
"Ate, slept, drank and wrote like hell on my computer till it was five in the morning."
"That's nice."
"Indeed."
"Anything else? Did you ever go outside maybe?"
"I think I did but I can't remember."
"Ookay... I'll see you later."

There has to be something wrong when you fail to recall the last you went outside - or, fail to mention it (or forget to and remember it a second too late)... >.> So answering in half-truths has become a habit of mine, at least when I talk in person.

You consider things like what is being talked about and from that you can guess what not to talk about when you're around them or you just know instinctively (randomness is okay! ...in small doses esp. if the person is naturally serious). When asked a question you answer knowing what would be right and wrong and all that stuff. >.>

This over-thinking thing makes me feel awkward because then I have nothing to say that they want to hear. I'm just the strange brooding person sitting far far away laughing to herself because one of her characters said something funny... >.> Now isn't that nice? Lol.

But I'm probably doing that because wherever I go I have my stories in mind - even when I'm in the company of friends and family - people in general - I have my eye out for things like traits of their appearance and/or character or maybe things I might be able to use (like window shopping). When and if I ever get to say... some place I've never been to before, I'd probably take a good look around and take pictures of the places and avenues where such and such character might go - or if one of those places looks like a place in a story. In fact, that's the only reason why I bring a camera along. :) I think taking pictures of people is generally creepy (if you don't know them) and scary (because of my tendency to over-imagine scenarios like their faces changing to something else).

That's the writer talking. If I was...a photographer I wouldn't have a problem with pictures because I would have a different mindset. >.> But if I was still creeped out by faces I'd make it an art to take out their faces or take pictures of flowers instead.

I'd like to spend more time musing and going several directions with these thoughts but wandering isn't going to do me any good. I said that I'd try (again) with ch. 7 of YZ because it keeps coming out wrong (maybe if I change the layout of the text document) and also work on ch. 5 for LMM since there's a part where I'd like to get to.

That is all true (hopefully) because even when I'm blogging, I have to consider the readers and whether my rambling won't offend in some way.

Next time... I might have to define blog. It's been a year or so since I started this blog or started blogs in other sites (which is something I could address as well) and even now I'm still unsure on WTH a blog is.

I believe that was a warning, an implied one for that matter since I go overboard sometimes (sometimes). >.<
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Back from the hospital!

5:09 PM

So this past week, I've been lamenting over my sore arms.

On Monday was my physical exam - on which I was told I needed a total of five injections. On that day I got three - two on my left arm, one on the right - and for the whole day I was tired (not to mention it was unbearably hot). And today I got the last two and you know what? That HPV shot hurts like hell! What? Do they use a larger needle? D: Anywho, I'm done ranting about that.

That was pretty much what I wanted to say as for today.

Well that and I'm sleepy. Later I'll check out everbody's posts and reply to comments - all that stuff you know. :)

...That was a pretty useless post.
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Ever had one of those moments...

9:13 PM
...where your muse takes you rollerblading? But you have no idea how to roller blade so your muse lets go of your hand and you crash into a big wet pile of leaves? Though you can't deny that while your muse was with you, you were enjoying the ride. You know...the wind, the breeze, a feeling similar to flight - cloud nine - before you realize that you don't want to move your knees else you'd lose balance and fall.

Well, after that fall, you're exhausted. And if you didn't have knee pads you'd have nicked your knees, or if you skidded across the neighbor's lawn, you'd have grass stains - or both. All in all you're tired and beaten, fumbling with the straps of the confounded contraption on your feet, and you curse for it seems that your muse has ditched you so it wouldn't appear to be the one at fault.

So where does that leave me?

Late last night, my muse gave me those roller blades. It was a fun ride that lasted...hmm...from sometime past midnight to 7 or 8 in the morning. And what I got was chapter seven in longhand and a sense of accomplishment for finally starting and finishing it.

So I closed the notebook and decided to sleep. Didn't work out. I ended up getting something to eat and later drank a gulp or two of sour milk... *shivers* Terrible stuff (and it wasn't even past the expiration yet). So I settled for oatmeal, after washing down the milk with flat coca-cola (it was better than nothing) and returned upstairs where I watched the news and Dr. Katz. Interesting morning? Quite. Later I turned off the television, opened the blinds (it was surprisingly cool and windy today) and read several chapters of Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones before finally sleeping.

...And here's something I should mention, yet I shouldn't, then again I feel I should.

I read aloud with the stereotypical British accent. Actually, whenever I talk (and there were instances at school) that accent slips out sometimes and I'd get these confused stares or laughter or questions. >.> Anywho, reading in that accent was kind of appropriate since...she was a British author...but anyway, it was a fun morning. BUT, I was told to wake up "early" because that day I had to go and get my senior photo taken...which led to my mother and I going around town to eat something, window shop and watch Year One (the one with Jack Black and Michael Cera) before heading home with dinner and a smoothie... Of course, I wasn't totally zombified due to lack of sleep - there was a time where I hadn't slept for thirty to forty somewhat hours and I was as lame as a manila folder taped to a beige wall...

So it has been a full day and I'm going to read in my faux accent and sleep - and then type out the chapter starting tomorrow.

And for some personal thoughts...

Lately I've been yearning to return to my fantasy writer self and have, all during Year Zero, been dabbling with the world of a project I started in middle school - the title of my blog - Ephemeral Wings. I suppose it's my life project because it was the first serious thing I tried to do after writing a horrid fanfic and even more terrible beginner stories... But now, after years of contemplating and putting it off because it just didn't seem original enough.... I started writing a few days ago and found myslef more involved and in love with the story.

And then, with that love churning out more ideas and making me type, I realized that that story would have to have sequels. Then that led me to Year Zero and that it too would have to have a sequel to it too since there are certain characters I want to explore. But I suppose I'll have to ask the readers about that - if they would like a full out sequel or one shots regarding a single character (good thing Wordpress has polls). But that's far off in the future...

Then that led me to the vampire story - but that won't have a sequel, oh no - but it became a longer project when it was first conceived in the dregs of summer 07.

And then there are the other projects under my belt - especially one a friend/fellow author suggested.

As I list everything out it all sounds plain overwhelming and stressful and complicated with all these characters wanting their story told, but, the more I laid out Ephemeral Wings and the more I worked on Year Zero, the more it became apparent to me that some of those characters were merely a deviation of the original characters I planned for my original story. And with all the years of not working on it, those characters changed and made their own paths the more I read and drew, taking in differing influences all the while.

So, in the end, there might not be a lot on my plate after all. I'm learning to choose my battles carefully now because I thrived on what was "in" at the moment.

Here's a visual -


Holy crappleberries Batman! It's a three-slayer cake! nom nom nom?

I am cannibal cake no more! Huzzah! *laughs in a triumphant and dramatic way*

...That cake is pretty creepy but it would be awesome to have one just like it one day.
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