(I'm most likely going to write a one-shot about this later)

It's disturbing actually. In it, I was running away from the dark but I couldn't since it was everywhere and everything. Even if it was light out, there was always a way for the darkness to follow and scare me.

Put's a whole new context to someone afraid of their shadow...I guess.

Anyway, this is absolute nonsense. I can't stop thinking about it though. Everytime I have to go outside either it be the hallway or the restroom...anywhere! It..just creeps me out (creeps us all out) since whatever the hell is scaring me all the time is me (or another me, the me I don't want to remember because almost everyone I knew when I was that old me associated me with a certain scary movie that I absolutely can't stand).

It's ironic that I like scaring people (or surprising them in a way).

Haha, so I'm scaring myself. Karma, much? (Man, I'm screwed :p )

Argh, I'm so stupid sometimes. Who knows, my personas may stem from my immaturity and aren't really "real" and is my excuse to "relive my childhood." There's a lot of possibilities. Me being a delusional SoB is one of them.

Mother dear I saw a falling star
To-night I wished with all my heart
That you vanish forever


     Father dear I saw a falling star
     To-night I wished with all my heart
     That you are smashed into tiny pieces


          Brother dear I saw a falling star
          To-night I wished with all my heart
          That you rot from the inside out (to feed the insects, you see)


     Sister dear I saw a falling star
     (And what a marvelous sight)
     To-night I wished with all my heart
      That you live a thousand years before you return to dust


Ah me, did we tell ourselves that we saw a falling star?
(It streaked across the black in a slow gait -- was it even a star at all?)
To-night I wished with all my heart
That I die the most horrible death, for wishing the most vile things of people around me.


     I do not deserve to live
    (but I'm still here no matter how many times I wish I was not).

To get that cosplay post out of the way...

How is everybody?

Just last week, first quarter ended so we had to rush on tests and the like. Surprisingly, I think I did pretty well, but you know how hoping goes (that later on you did worse than you thought). Then, three weeks later, right before Thanksgiving break (a week long break - huzzah!) we'll have a district assessment (and the three weeks after that and so on... I believe I've ranted about this before...if so, sorry for being repetitive). All in all, I'm not partial to tests.

To tell you the truth, there have been times where I could have blogged about something...but I chose not to (stupid me). I really should try to blog more...


The reason I haven't been blogging are two things: school and video games.

School is self-explanatory. This is my last year, everything has to be in order to graduate. This enables the imaginary Stress-o-Meter in my brain to rise, rise, rise...almost enough that the meter is at it's breaking point. Playing games helps, but that means less time for drawing and writing (well, I can't really say writing since I've been writing random ballads and poems, with some related to a particular story etc.).

I feel like I should delve more into the games I'm playing so I might do a post on that since I just finished playing Fire Emblem : Shadow Dragon. :| A loooot of things I want to rant about that...but that's my gamer side talking. :D He's angry, he's German, he's a gamer and he likes Crunch bars!/bad inside joke.

This could just be another figment of my imagination since childhood. The personalities I mean. Talking to yourself doesn't mean that there's another you, nor does it mean that you're crazy (doesn't it?).

Anyway, now you know why I'm anti-social (haha). I'll introduce you to these de-lightful people later when I figure out why they're here in the first place (and the reason besides, "They're here because I believe they're here."). Well, I'm off to be my own psychologist since there is no time (or money) to see a professional one.

Sorry if my first post back is a bit on the negative side.

I can't remember when I last posted something not writing-related...

Well, school is going along okay. Also, I have been getting into poetry lately (because we're reading Beowulf in class) and that's certainly interesting. A lot of papers have accumulated since I wrote my first lyric poem and am thinking of getting a separate binder to put them in, instead of cramming it down notebook sleeves.

Here's some news: I'm going to be 17 next Saturday and I'm not sure whether I should be excited or...not excited. It's only a number but I'll be that much closer to being seen and accounted for as an adult (as it so happens, it's likely I'll have to buy insurance for myself soon - give or take several years since I plan to go to some college). And...frankly... I'm not liking that. Only because I'm still undecided as to what I want to do, well, I am (somewhat), but it seems more like a dream to me (by that I mean to draw or become an illustrator of some sort).

So yeah... I'm pretty anxious about it and no matter how much I try to not think about the future - just all the possibilities and all - I can't (or I obsess about how much I can't suppress the fact that I am worried).

But, to go to a lighter topic, Halloween is on a Saturday this year! I plan to dress up and possibly take pictures! After weeks of thought it's official that I'll be cosplaying this year as...



I watched the anime and loved it. I'm planning to read the manga soon since the manga is always better and is much longer than the animation.

Anywho... It's going to be my first time cosplaying (though I doubt I'll be going to an anime convention anytime soon - b/c it's a given that people will recognize you and stuff which makes dressing up more enjoyable since you're around fellow fans).

Unlike some amazing people out there who make their own costumes I have to go shopping for the pieces - I've even changed the costume up a bit so it fits my body type. In the cosplaying world (yes, I've about googled my fill about this subject) specific details are a plus BUT because of my height - and the nature of his clothes (a bit loose up top since his body type - like most anime characters - is impossibly small and lean) I'm sure it'll look awkward if I had gray trousers with an oversized jacket. If it's anything, I've changed those trousers to somewhat short shorts and hopefully knee-length socks (or higher). So, it would almost be like the female version of him but also not because of this picture...


...yep.

Shopping around - got to keep to a budget you know? - is going to be a pain because I've made it mandatory on myself to assemble the pieces I already got/have (sweater, dress shirt) with the ones I need to see if it fits with everything else... I'm just wondering how I'm going to sneak the shoes in... >.>

In hopes of moving on from me talking about my costume it's a decent anime about modern ninjas. Way, way shorter than the ever-so popular Naruto and ten times more emotional.

And just mentioning emotional, I must mention as well that I cried (hence why I'm a fan).

All in all I liked it but it's not for everybody (like...boys for example because shounen-ai is hinted - boy's love - even though it isn't like that >.> well, not in my mind...not sure about everyone else).

Maybe it has a lot to do with a woman being the creator/ artist? (b/c it has that emotional element to it that's kind of downplayed in regular shonen stories).

What else to mention...?

Oh, I know it's autumn and all (hooray) but my room is still stupidly hot (and I'm not partial to heat). So I've been camping up in the parent's bedroom since it's much cooler - and I said this to explain why I haven't been on the computer much...at all.) I have been online for special instances however, like school stuff and updating my fictionpress account - just throwing it out there /fail

Right now, if it came up, I'm using my dad's laptop so thank it people because it made this post possible xD...and Kanye bites donkey-butt for his remark (now he's a meme - lol - but some people disagree it seems:)

From: urlesque

Yo, Kanye, I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but LOLcats had the best internet meme of all time! Oh, AND, Rick Astley is never gonna give you up!

by:// pepper - Sep 15th 2009

xD Anyway, I hope everyone's doing well - I can see you're all posting though! I wish I had some time to look over them but I have to get to work on homework - my anatomy class is oh so tedious (tons of notes, tons of drawings to go with the notes, and review questions that number to approximately 3 to 4 pairs of hands...at least!).

Okay...now back to looking up info on Beowulf for that essay...

K.WEST: YO, LAELAH, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH BUT GILGAMESH WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST EPICS OF ALL TIME!!

... /phael

Memes are hilarious.

...A short using some characters from "Ephemeral Wings"




“Sarra,” someone said to the blonde, “sometimes you can't see what's in front of you if you don't open your eyes.”

“What? I can see just fine, thank you... Have you seen this yet?” She gestured to the side of the rickety carriage, her outstretched fingers catching every bit of the seaside air. “It's so blue...and vast! Though, I wonder what's beyond that horizon... When the sun sets, where does he go?”

“He?”

“Sharem, a sparkling angel, the angel of the setting sun...” She sat back, clutching her cloak about her, shivering.

After awhile, they queried, “What are your thoughts on heaven? I'd like to know.”

A smile graced her pale thin lips. “It's a warm place, a wonderful place where there is no suffering. A place where you go when you're tired.”

Curiously, they asked, “Are you tired?”

“No. Just sleepy. We've been on the road for three days, feels like we haven't gone anywhere though...”

“And...?”

“Except seeing the ocean again of course. This is the second time I've seen it... The first time. I remember being so afraid. It was, in truth, a very black day. Because of our born abilities we were pursued and imprisoned, sold. A few years passed during my imprisonment when the forces of the kingdom were torn asunder.” She paused. “Just think... Fighting your own people, how would that feel? Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that we were released but our escape wasn't easy. In those changed men's eyes was a dark power – I remember, someone I cared for very much tried to reason with one of the soldiers and the end result was his life. But it was also that same day when I was finally free. Meeting these kind people, these wanderers that took me in, I was so happy that I knelt and kissed the earth... Can you imagine it? A damp taste that lingers on your lips, the redeeming taste of rain and fresh soil – that was true freedom.

I do hope that he found that warm place. When I tire I want to see him there. It wouldn't be the same without him, plus, we made a bet.”

“Are you sure this friend wasn't a cheat?”

“He would kill you for saying that. No really! I mean, sure he gambled, but it was for entertainment... I'm positive.”

“Doesn't sound like it. Tell me about your friend then. The destination is still far off. We have plenty of time.”

“You sure are a curious stranger. I don't even know your name, nor have you shown your face. I don't see why I should tell you about him.”

The said stranger reached into the folds of his cloak. “Sure are a picky woman... Fine. Why don't we make a bet. Heads or tails. Tails, I'll tell you my name. Heads, you tell me about your friend. Ready – ”

“Wait! If it's Tails you have to show me your face. You can give me a fake name if you wanted to.”

“Heh. Smart move. Fine. Tails, I show you my face – ”

With the flick of a thumb, the coin spun high in the air. Sarra caught the gleam of silver, watched the stranger's confidant hands catch the coin and flip it face-down. How...familiar it all was.

“What is it?” Sarra managed a breath, a puff of air materializing in front of her. The stranger failed to move, sitting as still as a statue, hand clasped over the coin. “What's wrong?” she asked, suddenly aware of the ever lowering temperature.

“... Sometimes you have to open your eyes,” they said, “because you close them without knowing at times. It's a reflex of your conscience.” The stranger held out his clasped hands. “Will you risk it all on this one coin-flip?”

“What am I risking?”

“That is not mine to answer.”

The carriage shook violently. The once calm waves violently crashed onto shore, foam rising up and down the sand, engulfing any living creature. Thunder and lightning, like cymbals, roared in the heavens – signaling the coming of a grand maelstrom. Sarra peered outside, struck dumb by the weather, the suddenly dark atmosphere and the flag waving far down the road.

“Open your eyes,” the stranger said but she paid them no attention.

The flag was carried by soldiers on horseback – similar to those she had recalled not to long ago. Pairs of red eyes flashed through dark stained helmets, an acrid smell was approaching fast – iron and gunpowder. Loosening her grip in absolute terror, her cloak was torn from her body by the vicious winds. Lightning flashed quick, transforming the burgundy cloak to a bright glistening red –

Sarra...

“Have you found your answer?”

Are you alright?

The soldiers were mere meters from the carriage. She turned to find the stranger's hands open already.

Sarra...

“You said this was my decision – ”

“You decide too slow.”

“But still, you said – ”

“Crybaby. It's simple.” – he tossed the coin to her – “I cheat.”

With that, the stranger leapt into the maelstrom –

Hey...

Sarra...

Hello?

Wake up sleepyhead!

...

“She sure likes to sleep in...”

“Tell me about it...”

It was bright. Instinctively she covered her face with her hands. Instantly she felt a warm spot on her cheek. Blinking, it slid as she turned her body, pushing away the blankets.

“What is that?”

“Sarra?”

She paused, absorbing whatever information she could get from her dream... Delicately she held the coin in the sun, looking at it skeptically as though it might disappear any second.

“Sarra...Are you alright?”

Her voice was soft, on the verge of tears, “Tails... Double. I won.”

It's only been the second day and it's...great.

Here's my schedule:

1 - American Government/Drafting
2 - English 4
3 - Anatomy & Physiology
4 - Algebra II
5 - Art I/Economics
6 - Horticulture

* the classes after the / are the classes I'll have in the Spring Semester

Alright. I know I've mentioned something about me not being a Math person but it's really weird that a Senior should have Alg II in the first place. >.>

I have a theory on why I despise Math but I'd end up typing two or two hundred paragraphs of me putting my hatred/dislike of Mathematics in layman's terms. BUT, being that this is the only class I really need to focus on (since everything else, even English, is fairly easy stuff) that's enough to motivate me to even want to learn about stuff I may/may not use later on. :) I decided on Illustration as my major (finally decided and I feel better about it).

So, to my First Day of school -

I've covered the whole Mother Nature sabotaging me part in the last post so I'll just move along (so I can get some work done).

First of all, I almost panicked because I wasn't sure where my class was so I had to ask a teacher...and...wow. D: For that brief second, I was reminded of Grey, the protagonist from Year Zero. Of course, it was a tiny voice at the time but as I walked away I couldn't help but mentally slap myself.

You know on every first day, you look for people you know in your classes. Whether you want to or not, it's what you do. You can't help it since it is a new year and all. :) Walking in first period (and I wasn't tardy, woo!) I felt awkward. I mean, you see empty seats and a sparse amount of people and they're all looking at the doorway. But, fortunately, there was someone I somewhat knew and that made it better.

Second period, not so lucky. Though I do have some people from last year's English class but it isn't like I talk to them frequently.

After second, we have a ten minute break called Brunch... In which I met someone too (and that made me happy).

Third...was interesting. The teacher's kinda cool - like the intelligent-cool teacher everyone has mixed reactions about - though the introductory speech dragged a bit. And me, being a fool and sleeping two or so hours before having to wake up, was nodding off. That is the last thing you want to do ever when you have a teacher like this guy - there's that fine line between lenient and strict.

Fourth I coincidentally have the same teacher I had when I took Algebra II during Sophomore year. D: Yes. I have failed this damn class for two years straight but do take into account that some serious family crap was going on and I nearly bombed all my classes then. Sophomore year and partial of Junior year is something I'd rather not remember.

Anyways, pretty basic stuff... NOT. I'd hate to get all girly on you guys but there was this German exchange student who everyone (mostly the girls) freaked out over. (Damn my modesty or lack of caring/shallowness) Simply put, he was just really really pretty...for a dude. Not just that, he was tall and had a really deep accent. It sucks how many of the girls paid more attention to him than the Chinese Exchange student. I was also reminded of a character, who, if they lived here, on Earth, would probably be German...

After was lunch. It was a sad lunch. xD I walked around in the halls just looking for a spot to sit - and was perusing to see where my next class would be when... HOLY -- Sorry people, I have this fixation on awesomely styled hair (it's 'cause I'm strangely attached to my hair - it's fairly long now atm >.> it's something from my childhood when my dad used to cut my hair and it made me sad as to how straight and short it was always cut. It was also the era before I had bangs). But yeah... Sadly, I think I'm hated by this person (or just awkward on some levels - again, something happened between the both of us during Sophomore year - yep, right when I was feeling my lowest). We aren't on speaking terms but :) "Thank you" is what I'd say if I ever get the chance (like never)... Though I doubt they'll know why I'm thanking them.

So after, looking around, I found a good spot to sit, read some chapters of The Brothers Karamazov till the bell rang and along I went to...

Art class! In which the teacher was new and originally came from Germany with English as her second language. And people were rude enough to make fun of her without her knowing. It was just a lot of introductions again. I was hoping that we could do some drawing excercises - like shading, shapes etc. but that didn't happen. I was disappointed but today we got working (somewhat). I'm still nervous about drawing with people next to me though...

Sixth period is Horticulture...more like Landscaping. Fortunately, I am not alone. :) Fun times. We basically pulled weeds, raked, swept, hosed down windows... It's just awesome. Not to mention we get to plant stuff later on. I think it's epic that this is a year-long class! What a way to end the day right?

So there.

First days are always awkward. Actually any "First..." thing is. It's almost like it's built right into the word itself. There's the general nervousness, the excitement, the letdowns and the relief you feel after the day is done.

I may sound as if I'm talking/typing right out of my arse, but it's my last First day on the school I've attended to for three years. In those three years I actually liked this school. Also, it's somewhat reassuring that two of my half-brothers walked the same halls and fields. But now it's being torn down and redone. I feel that at the end of the year I will lose something and gain something in return. I'm unsure as to how large this thing I lose will be, I mean, what if what I gain and lose don't equal up? It wouldn't seem very fair.

Anywho, there's my fear for you. One of my fears. The other fear are the words I will never say to the people I will never, most likely never ever ever see again.

Oh and the answer to this riddle was...

A writer's notebook! /fail

Hi people!

It's a record 2:35 am and it's officially the second day of senior year...
Fantastic...

But seriously, the first day went alright - better than I expected anyway being it my last first day (and it's a big deal since this'll be the last year before the school is entirely rebuilt and everything is shiny and clean and neat and "futuristic") - but it could've been better if Mother Nature didn't decide to pay me a visit on the same day. I would've been fine if it was...say...next week...but no. It just had to be this week and on that day - Wednesday (which I consider to be the butt of the entire week) - and I am abusing italics it appears!

Anywho, I'm going to try to sleep (I get an A for effort) and maybe tomorrow I can blog about my impressions. There were certainly some interesting things I noticed and such and such that I can't think of at the moment...

Till later today then! (if I don't fall asleep in the afternoon...again)

Frankly, I'm stuck as to whether I should vent or not.

...
..
.

So, how is everybody?

For the SC prompt— Where in the world?

Mars was on the run again.

He previously decided to hide in a room, but despite it's normal appearance, it wasn't.

It was a quaint room with a crackling fire and plush sofas set around a coffee table. It was oh so similar to home that he made himself comfortable accordingly... Then things spoke. Even the most ordinary objects suddenly drew sharp breaths, scolding the very sight of him. They even went as low to criticizing him for having a face when only the Matriarch—if he recalled correctly—and her Knights were the only ones allowed faces. It was then and there that he decided to run for his life and not look back—

He was in a hallway, wide and empty. To the side of him were three-story tall windows, triangular-shaped, like arrowheads lined up a few inches apart. Each shimmered as if made of crystal, enhancing the sight of the garden behind it. Mars followed this path, hoping it would lead him to that garden. He hoped that entering the garden would end this terrible dream because that was how the majority of his dreams ended in the past—

He always ran, it seemed, always ran from something. If he were to look back, whatever landscape was left was encased in ice and the ice didn't show any notion of stopping unless it engulfed everything in it's path. And always there was a light he ran to, and beyond that light was the warmth of a garden in summer. Staring up at the sun in the sky, the blinding sensation subsequent to that would wake him...

The hall was unusually quiet, it had been for the ten minutes or so the second he darted out of that room—if not ten then something close to it. There was no way of telling time in this infernal place. Adjacent the triangle windows were rows of doors. And with those rows of doors—all equally tall but more narrow—were patches of bare wall. On those patches were clocks, all different sizes and shapes and colors, and all with no face, just the numbers and the second hand ticking away. All those monotonous ticks and tocks, put together with the patter of his feet on the polished floors—it all couldn't have been anything else but a dream!