It's around 3 in the morning and I could never be more tired. I just finished sketching the rest of my audition for an OC Tournament that I plan to take part of in dA. I didn't know how many times I had to edit the original audition so it ended up being twice or so much pages in the end. (originally 5-6 pgs, now 11 pgs) Now I plan to ink one pg a day and submit as well...only so I can finish the reference page. I'm still entering the Lilith chara that I drew a couple times in past posts but I decided to change a couple things--especially her background info (so goodbye pointed ears! (they seemed a little overdone anyway))

That's pretty much what I've been doing...as well as musing at a new manga project. It's another short story that, is presently, called A Prince in the Top Hat. I got the title b/c I thought of those tricks that magicians do where they pull a rabbit out of the hat. lol-moment. I rather like the title, though long, but no one else has taken it. To put the story in a few words, it's very shojo and somewhat tragi-comedy--it might be a little cliche but I'm doing this one for fun since I'm experimenting with real life bgs. I actually plan to take pictures and use those as the bg for the comic. I've yet to write about it but I'm just throwing the idea around--though I already know how I want it to end and begin.

Ah, well I should get to sleep now. Maybe then I could finish that fairy tale I started a couple days ago...

I'm feeling a little better today but my arms still hurt and if I move too much I get a little dizzy. (I don't think that that's normal.) Anyways fishing was fun--however, what we were doing was considered illegal. O_O'' (some guy, who was fishing nearby, told us this) After catching 10 or so fish (this was on Sunday btw) he comes over and tells us that any fish below 18 inches was illegal to keep, with the exception of catfish. So I'm sitting there saying: "Let's put them back then." And...we keep them anyway.

Once I got in the car I was so mad. D-:< My father, being the single-minded dope he is kept laughing about the ordeal and kept repeating the same damn thing all over again. "So under 18 inches is illegal huh? 18 inches..." (Gah, imagine hearing that over and over again mixed with some stupid idiotic chortle--we could've been fined for 300 dollars apiece for those fish! And all they were going to do was eat them! D-:< ) I was dead tired when I got home so I showered, ate a bit of candy and took a nap...and no, I refused to eat any of the fish we caught. (Now my anger is surging up again as I type this so, yes, I'm technically ranting now.)

Maybe I should explain a bit on why I was angry and didn't eat any of the catch.

Right before the guy came up I reeled in a fish that would've been 6 or so inches (not sure on the size but it was the largest of any fish that I caught). Right during the process of removing the hook from it's mouth the guy comes up and starts telling us about the laws and how it's illegal and stuff. I'm sitting on one of the chairs listening in on the conversation and then I turn to see the fish I caught being held by it's freakin' gills and it's bleeding! The guy who was holding it (a person who works under my father) was just standing there with the fish like that with some stupid grin too. I was about to throw up, and being this empathetic person, I had to feel sorry for the fish. Then, right after the guy leaves, my father instructs the same person who was holding the bleeding fish, to get the rest of the catch and to put them into the cooler. (My reaction to this was simply WTF?)

We pretty much packed up and left. During that annoying car ride, I put the volume on my ipod on high just to block out the irksome laughter from the driver since I sat in the passenger seat. Then I thought about on what the guy told us. I didn't know much about fishing nor the rules-- and I should have checked them out when I had the chance the day before-- but they suddenly made sense to me. Though I wish I could remember it, if it wasn't for this headache I'd probably rant more about it. D-: Then again I would like to stop talking about negative stuff.

In other news, I'm not sure if I'll be updating two pics today. I'll probably get to work on one since I'm kind of tired. Plus, tomorrow I have an appointment at the orthodontist and, on the ride there, I have to deal with my crazy mother...or just crazy lady preferably since they're getting a divorce. I'm going to look for some new trance music so the ride is more bearable.

...and many people would say that talking bad about the person who birthed you into the world is pretty much bad but they don't know who she is. Pretty much anyone would say that and to forgive people like her...D-:<

Jeez, I'm just full of anger today. :'-|

Just a few minutes earlier at this very same hour I began thinking of some pictures to do with certain concepts, I figured I might as well list some of the things I thought of:

Lilith Concept
-the fallen angel who searches for children to kidnap/kill
Samael Concept
- fallen angel who's name means 'the blind god'
Greek Muse, Urania
- the muse of the heavens/astronomy
The White Room Dream
- concept of the inner self
Any Fairy Tale
- either one by myself or by a different author (ex. Grimm brothers, Aesop, Hans Christian Andersen...)
Dark + Light pic.
- (I've always wanted to do something like that)

Horoscopes
Modern Outfits
Innocence
Violin & Cello pic.
Pictures from Favorite songs...

P3 fanart?


If you haven't noticed by now, I'm really into the meanings behind names-- it's always interesting to see/hear about. :-D I might add more ideas as soon as I think of them.

I can't believe that it's already August! It's almost crazy that school is starting all over again--ten months I say, TEN MONTHS! :-D

Though, I'd be lying if I wasn't a little excited. Practice hasn't started yet and I'm a little worried that I'm missing out on volleyball stuff but I understand since the school is being renovated. The last time I saw the school was on the side of the road and O_O... well, I saw that most of the portables from East Campus were already gone!

Ah, I'd better call my coach--if I have the guts too! Gah...social awkwardness. D-':
Anyways, that's pretty much it for what's going on in life as of now...and I don't think that this is even news. :-D

I don't have a particular subject to write about but I find it best to vent out every once in a while. As a person who probably rates on a below average on a social scale ^_^ thats probably the best medicine out there--blogs are fun!

I was thinking on school and somewhat college too. With all the lameness happening with my art block or loss of drive-- should I still go for an art school? It sounds great and all but realism doesn't happen to be my thing. Of course, at my age the realism style isn't that exciting and teenagers tend to drift away from reality sometimes so why focus on it? rather draw or depict anything in the style. Although I appreciate realism and the artists--because it takes skill to do so-- I can't bring myself to do it...alone. I figured in my junior year I'll focus more on passing my core classes, getting the right credits and then focus on my art dilemma by taking some of the art classes held there...so I have to make sure that I pass my math course (b/c I verily fail at math) D-: .

Hmm...what else is there? Besides unearthing an old song that I liked a long time ago--there isn't much going on. Later this hour I'm going to leave the house to go shopping and I'm hoping I find some new clothes for the school year or just have some fun. Speaking of fun, yesterday, though I despise the sport for some reason, I bowled. My thumb is sore because I bowled without gloves--the side of my thumb actually began to peel! It was so painful that I began using my left hand to bowl, good thing I have some control over my left hand but I still utterly failed at that.

Ah, speaking of yesterday now...I got to finish the first of The Bartimaeus Trilogy. Otherwise known as the Amulet of Samarkand. I'm now working on reading the second, as well as setting my eyes on the third installment of the series. I never thought I'd finish it b/c, at first, I was reluctant to read it for I wasn't used to the way the story was told however, I gave it a shot and couldn't put it down. Unlike Eragon, I could actually read aloud without having to pause in order to consider how a word was pronounced or just sound absolutely silly trying to sound the word out (b/c the author gave the world of Eragon it's own library of languages--which is very creative but a bit frustrating, as well as reminiscent to when I started to write my epic fantasy adventure years and years ago ). In fact, I still have the sequel Eldest in my bookshelf left unread b/c I decided to give the first one a go again--but I haven't found the time since I'm preoccupied.

Books! Maybe I should muse about books since I'm bored and somewhat out of topics. The books I like to read presently is fiction (big surprise). Fantasy, Adventure, the occasional Romance if its good, some other genres, the fiction novels based on ideas or other stories, a little Shakespeare, manga, fairy tales...I only have a few books that could be considered non-fiction but still fiction overall. Well, putting genres aside...Twilight series what's up with that? ^_^ I gave the book a shot but I found the main character and annoyance already...so I am one of the few who do not like it. (I swear the popularity is immense that I already know how it ends) --okay, putting the info aside as well. Some authors I'm keeping an eye out for are: Libba Bray (A Great and Terrible Beauty), Jonathan Stroud (Bartimaeus Trilogy), Garth Nix (Abbhorsen Trilogy, Seventh Tower, etc.)... those are just a few but these are the main people I look for on the bookstore shelves--if anything new came out or their past works so on. That doesn't mean that I don't occasionally take a peek at other authors though-- in other words, they are kind of my favorite authors at this point in time?

I'm officially bored so I'll just end my post here. Who knows? I might post again about something later that may or may not be interesting.

Just a short break from emotional stuff D-:

I've updated one of my story blogs with the short story (I've yet to finish--it's almost done--I slacked on the deadline that's why) Chrysanthemum in Winter. I've split it into parts and I've posted three so far... I hope to post more but I'm not sure if I'll get to write the final parts-- I feel like I'm rushing it a bit.

Well, that's all.

I began thinking about this around this morning...it wasn't really a dream but I started contemplating this idea just before starting my day. Its kind of connected with how I've been feeling as of late. ^_^''

The White Room

Solitude. This is what solitude looks like: a grand space of a room with nothing else but blank walls and me...but it isn't a bedroom nor the house I've known for many years of my life but rather me. The inner me, everything that makes up my self, yet, why is it white and why am I lying here? Its freezing and there is nothing to keep me warm except this nightgown and these tears.

'Why am I here? Is this truly how I am?' I think to myself 'A room full of nothingness. Solitude...but the color is white. What is white? It is the opposite of black. Black, which is technically not a color but rather the absence of color. And white is the combination of all colors. So maybe my case is this: If this room represents who I am then I don't have nothingness but everything I need already but is too pre-occupied with current thoughts that I haven't been able to see that. Whilst pursuing ambition everything else disappears and I am left wondering what happened? and that is what causes my state of misery.' A black feather. I see a black feather, then another and another. It's raining feathers now. I take one into my hands and smile, 'this black is different though.'

It's an epiphany I tell you!

I've recently neglected the computer for at least a week or so but it's been a rather satisfying break from technology. I suppose I am a little disappointed that I've barely had any of my pre-planned plans come to fruition. So, I'm dubbing this summer as another spiritual journey--to tell you the truth I have had a couple of epiphanies about life lately.

I've been thinking a lot that I'm going to go ahead and make an enormous blog entry about it, as a way of making an early welcome for August...and my junior year of high school. ^_^

Okay. During that break from the computer I swear I felt a little down. At that time I couldn't draw anything right nor bring myself to write anything. So a little freetime got me thinking. The only reason I began writing was because of a friend I had during junior high. I think it actually spawned from jealousy--and only now do I know this. I can't even write decently but I still tried to write a novel. Of course I did, I wrote away into several notebooks and even typed away a couple of hours into a word processor. However, it was very mediocre. Probably the most cliche story--now that I look back at it-- of course I was around 12 years or so...and I actually thought that I could get published. Well, whatever I did, I could never write like that person. Now that I look back I thought of my writing as more of a competition between her and I...that brings me to the subject of poems. The only thing she said that I did better than her (at the time) but that was only because I could rhyme. Presently, I barely write poems anymore nor focus much on writing that 'story.' I think I'm more better with creating ideas rather than go into depth and take the time to sit, pen in hand, and write away. Putting extra thought in that, I do have an attention problem...O_O I can barely sit still! (lol)

To put all that info together, it all comes to me not exactly a good writer. I just write whatever comes to mind so I figured--to put good use to my mediocre writing talent-- I'd rather be a manga artist.

Now onto more of my troubles that I thought over during that break. Drawing. I'd say I have decent drawing skills for my age but I'm constantly pressuring myself to draw more and more than I am able to. This causes a lot of problems because as much as I love to draw I can easily break down and get tired of it. As much as I can see an idea in my head, once I get that paper and pencil--everything turns different than what was wanted. I'm also debating between styles--I don't have a specific style that I can stick to...I'm constantly experimenting with what I do and that is kind of tiring.

And to sum that up, I don't know where I'm going with my art. I'm starting to doubt myself a lot as well as my future? Ah, if only answers could be easier to find...or if time stopped for awhile or if dreams lasted for more than one night. I've hit a brick wall as of late. ^_^''

Currently, I'm just relaxing. Too much thinking can't possibly be good. I'm also kind of happy that school is coming since every day, something new happens--and so far-- I haven't budged from where I live, sure I get to go to the bookstore on the weekends but it's very redundant. The only thing thats new is a game that I've been playing and I'm waiting patiently for the call of the volleyball coach so I can get a shot into the volleyball team. This would be my first time actually trying out for a sport...and also my first time getting a physical. (which I desperately hope is scheduled as planned) -_-''

So that's the news as of today! Cheers!

Okay so after a couple of months I finally got my period! I was really worried so I looked up some information on it earlier and there were many causes which may delay or stop it overall. Once I processed the info I evaluated myself and I have been stressing about stuff lately (ex: I had the final exams(on the friggin last week of school), I rushed a report (and even did a couple of all-nighters for it), parental issues, I was trying to rush myself on a comic I was doing, pretty much doing too many things at the same time all the while when my body was paying for it-- I was hardly eating as well) So I slept finally afterwards and ate and drank water--and then it happens once a visit to the bathroom. I cannot tell you how relieved I am b/c even the word relieved isn't enough of a word to express how I feel.

The main reason for that is that I wouldn't want to bother my father about it--he's dealing with enough problems as it is and I doubt he gives a **** about my female problems. (Please ignore that-- I haven't vented out in a while)

So I figured I'd get myself a treat. I happen to have mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches--located in the scenic garage area (we placed a fridge there). (now this is what I really want to talk about) I made my way to the fridge and found myself startled when a loud noise occured. I quickly look up and saw that it was a rat/mouse (it definitely looked a bit big so I couldn't tell) and it ran so fast that you could hear it's paws scratch against the wall! I found myself in a panic as I took the ice cream--though I tried to stay as calm as I could-- but then I began thinking that there were more and they were going to go into the house (b/c I left the garage door open) so I began to walk really fast. Once I closed the garage door I rushed up the flight of stairs, entered my room, closed the door and screamed. I was all: "OKAY, THAT'S IT. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK~ WE HAVE RATS IN THE GARAGE! IN...THE...GARAGE!!! EEEEEEEEPP!" Well something like that. (Close enough)

And there you go! My crazy AM story.

By the way, I'm almost done with Chrysanthemum in Winter. I finally got past that ballet scene--now all I have to do is finish it. *somewhat proud*